Family
- Weekend Effect
Balancing Work and Fun
Vuong & Joanne Nguyen, Section 11
Joanne
I want to begin with our mission statement. It
reads: "Worldwide Marriage Encounter’s mission
of renewal in the church and change in the world is to assist couples
and priests to live fully intimate and responsible relationships
by providing them with a Catholic “experience” and ongoing
community support for such a lifestyle." I would like
you to look at the chains we handed out. It represents a couple
that is married. The links represents the two individuals and the
space where the links connects is their relationship. Their relationship
is only as strong as the individuals are at this point, but if you
notice that the links slide and move to different points the combinations
are endless. Now if you look at the individual links again, as each
person is the best they can be, it strengthens the link and in return
it strengthens the couple’s relationship and the intimacy
they share, this is being responsible. The clip represents a priest
and religious life. They connect people together but they too need
to be the best they can be to strengthen the relationship they have
and the people they connect. As we become the best we can be the
strength of God can be seen. I want to show you this. This twisty
represents God and He connects us together but it does not stop
here in this room. Now, imagine if all the couples in the Phoenix
community were connected, then everyone in the United States, then
the world. Can you feel the power of God in this chain of love,
and what it means to be called to be the best we can be? We all
bring a special gift to this ministry.
Vuong
What I am still working on is my “me first”
attitude or, to be blunt, my selfishness. I still, more often than
I care to admit, notice that I have to get my chores done first
before I can be free to be with Joanne and the kids. Although I
try to let it go when I am with them, my mind slips back on completing
the chores. I judge I need to do like cleaning up the kitchen or
taking care of some paperwork. When I do this, I judge that I am
cheating them out of the full attention that they deserve. I have
to say that my youngest son Jacob is very good at making sure that
I give him my full attention and maintain it. He can quickly recognize
when I am distracted and he points it out and demands my re-focus.
When I am not fully present, I can see our conversations are easily
distracted. We are often left doing our own things and we are into
our own worlds. But I have to share that Joanne has been great about
being aware and accepting of my need to get my chores done first.
Instead of giving me a hard time about this, she sometimes takes
care of my chores in order to free me of my obligations. In times
like this, I know she is loving me through her actions and I love
her so very much for it. I am very aware of my selfish behaviors
so I try even harder to put Joanne and the kids first. I don’t
always succeed but when I do Joanne is there encouraging, accepting
and supporting me. Sometimes she does it without even noticing it,
but I notice it and I appreciate it very much. She is the reason
why I work so hard to break my old habits. When I am doing my part
to live responsibly in our relationship, the days seems brighter
and the time we spend together alone or with the kids is filled
with laughter and joy. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
Joanne
What I am working on are events that happened
in my past. I used to view them as my issues and they didn’t
really involve Vuong because they happened before we met. The truth
is they affected both us very much. As I have been working through
my issues I feel stronger like I dropped a heavy bag that was on
my back. My self esteem has improved and I can see more clearly
the gifts I have and what I bring to our marriage. Vuong has encouraged
me and has supported me in my efforts to confront my past. This
has given me the strength to keep going and to see this through.
As I am working at improving myself with Vuong’s encouragement
we are getting stronger as a couple and our intimacy is growing
as well. When I risk sharing with him what I have been doing I am
building the trust we have between us and I feel closer to Vuong.
Our unity is growing stronger and it is as if I am coming alive
like the landscape in the spring with an array of flowers and the
new leaves on the trees. The wildlife seems to sing of the arrival
and there is a mighty burst of life every where you look. You can
literally breathe in this energy of life. This is how I see my relationship
with Vuong as I work on strengthening myself which in the end strengthens
our relationship.
Vuong
One area that we believe is vital in our relationship
is playfulness. There is a lot of different definitions for playfulness
which ranges from the ME definition to our individual ideas. My
definition of playfulness is the opportunity for me to show Joanne
how much I love and desire her and have fun at it all at the same
time. Joanne is on my mind most of the day and when I have an opportunity
to let her know how much I love her I do it. And it really doesn’t
matter to me where. When I catch her bending down to pickup something,
I have to whistle at her to let her know that I am paying attention
to her. It’s also when I hog the covers in bed on purpose
to get her going in hopes of starting a little dialogue and a little
bit of wrestling and a little bit of ... Playfulness for me is spontaneous
crazy suggestions like christening the airport parking lot after
she got home from a trip or trying to break-in all the rooms in
our house even the garage or the car in the garage but that’s
still yet to be explored territory. And of course playfulness includes
laughter and silliness when we are making love. We try to make things
different and more exciting. But a lass I can’t share the
details because this is a family show. However, if you are brave
of heart and willing to try something new, we will be available
after the presentation to share. Just kidding…Well, kind of.
I do have to share that creativity is a key when you have kids little
and big when you choose to be playful in the bedroom. It’s
funny but when they are little, they yell at you for locking the
door and not letting them in. But when they are older, they yell
at you for not locking the door just in case they accidentally walk
in. My desire to be playful and Joanne’s acceptance of my
playful behavior has been an essential even critical part of who
we are as a couple. When we are playful we are so much more for
our kids, our friends, and other acquaintances. I feel free to show
my affection for Joanne, pretty much anywhere. We share little kisses
at Church. We hold hands everywhere we go. We say I love you at
least 3 times before saying good bye and hanging up the phone. Playfulness
has always been and will continue to be a part of our relationship.
It started when we first met on a blind date and has continued on
today.
Joanne
To me playfulness is the ability
to let go of what I am doing so I can be free to experience laughter.
It’s a time to be young again to live life a little simpler
where the main objective is to have fun. For Vuong and me these
times are rarely planned. I must make a decision to capture the
moment right way or it disappears and seldom can be recreated. For
the moments I do go for it, they have become a freeing time to experience
the lighter side of life even if it is brief. My free feeling is
like looking down at the earth from a small plane to see how small
and almost unimportant things seem as you look towards the out stretched
horizon to see more than what is below you. The way I am playful
with Vuong is when we are working around the house and all of a
sudden I find him desirable I either tell him or I show him. It
may include, but is not limited to, a pat on the rear or something
to get him to chase me like a little cat and mouse game. A majority
of the time our youngest gets involved and sometimes our oldest.
At night this energy fuels our playfulness in the bedroom. What
I try to remember is that it is not what we do, but it is our attitude
when we do it and that makes all the difference. My motto is “keep
it simple, real and young at heart”. “Keeping it real”
means being attentive to your spouse. When Vuong has had a stressful
day at work I don’t just pounce on him when he gets home I
give him time to relax and start off with a game of cards or watch
a comedy together. I need to be able to read his non-verbals and
use the other tools of attention to our sexual relationship which
are: tenderness, playfulness, attentiveness, gentleness, and romance.
When Vuong and I use all these tools together it puts that special
smile on our faces.
Vuong
I would like to encourage you to keep playfulness
in the fore front of your relationship. It brings laughter and joy
and many other benefits to your life. I know Joanne and I wouldn’t
be the same couple without it. It also encourages me to change myself
for the sake of our relationship which helps us live our ME mission.
I would now like to personally encourage you to continue to work
on the areas that you are struggling with, and remind you that it’s
well worth the rewards. When our own chain is strong, we are stronger
as a couple which can help us change the world one couple, us, at
a time.
Joanne
I would like to encourage you to take a look at
things you might be avoiding or claim do not affect your spouse
and work on them to strengthen your relationship. I can tell you
by experience that it’s not always easy but the benefits are
worth it. And don’t forget to be playful not only does it
help relieve stress but laughing helps us focus on the positives
in our lives. I challenge you to be playful and laugh a lot. Finally,
I encourage you to place your chains of love somewhere visible as
a reminder to keep you and your relationship strong.
Dialogue Question: What is one area I can work
on to strengthen our relationship? WAMFAMA?
Sharing Question: What is one thing we do as a
couple that is playful?
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