eMatrimony.org

Supporting, Encouraging, and Challenging the WWME Community

  Family - Weekend Effect

From Bitterness to Joy: Stephens' Story

Ted & Nancy Stephens

(Excerpted from Winter 1988 Matrimony magazine.)

In the last issue, we told the story of Bob & Rita McFarland, who made the Weekend, and scheduled three information nights in their home afterwards. Bob died suddenly, and Rita went ahead with those scheduled nights. This is the story of one of the many couples who signed up for a Weekend. This is Stephens' story.

Ted & Jackie Stephens didn't want to be at that information night. They didn't want to sign up. They didn't want to be on this Encounter Weekend. This was evident in their faces, as the team began the talks on Friday night of a Weekend in November 1977. Jackie's face, especially, registered anger and pain.

The team priest, Father Neil Tobin, knew that the only reason they were there was because Rita had told them that this was Bob's last gift to them. He had given McFarland’s Weekend and had celebrated Bob's funeral Mass. He knew the whole story, and had briefly talked with Ted & Jackie at the wake, realizing their deep pain.

The Pain
After the talk ended, He went to their room. He listened as they told him about their marriage. He listened, as they shared their bitterness toward the Catholic Church.

Ted was raised Catholic, attending Catholic schools. Jackie was raised in another faith, and was very involved with her faith family. She played the organ and sang in the choir. They had decided to be married in her Church, with a priest present.

When they went to set their wedding up, the priest, a friend of Ted's, told Jackie she had to sign a paper, promising to bring their children up in the Catholic faith. In 1972, this rule was changing, but not all dioceses moved quickly on it.

Jackie couldn't accept this. Their children weren't even born yet, and she didn't see how she could make this decision. When she expressed this to the priest, he said if she didn't sign the paper, she wasn't good enough for Ted.

Both of them were deeply hurt. To make matters worse, friends told them, that if they were married ten miles away, in a neighboring diocese, she wouldn't have to sign that paper. Whether this was true or not, it was all they needed to hear. They were married in Jackie's Church and there was no priest present.

They each attended their own Church for a time, but gradually both stopped going, except for the holidays, when they went to Jackie's Church. They wanted to have a baby, but Jackie didn't conceive. Without discussing it, they each wondered if God was punishing them.

Then Jackie's father died at age 50. He had just retired from the police force, and her parents had wonderful plans for their future. Jackie found this extremely hard to accept. She began to question the existence of God.

The Healing
Bob & Rita McFarland were their best friends. They saw the joy in them after their Encounter Weekend. When Bob died ten days later, Ted & Jackie held God responsible.

They shared all this with Father Neil. He listened, without interruption, and then held them in his arms. He asked forgiveness in the name of the Church for those who had hurt them. He asked them to put aside their anger toward God for the next two days, and to simply give the Weekend to each other. They did.

On Sunday, Ted told Jackie he had missed his faith. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, so he had never mentioned it. He asked if she would attend Mass with him occasionally. Jackie realized that she knew nothing about Catholicism. She had judged all Catholics through her experience with one priest. Now another priest, Father Neil, had shown great love, understanding, and acceptance of them.

The Hope
Father Martin, the Pastor of the Church near their home, showed this same acceptance when they started going to Mass. A few weeks later, Jackie decided to attend Inquiry classes. Ted went with her to each class throughout the twelve week period.

They began to pray together, to have a baby. One night, they called the team couples and Father Neil from their Weekend, and said they needed prayers right then. This was the time of the month they were most likely to conceive a child. "While we make love now, you get down on your knees and pray us a baby! Within the hour, little Teddy Stephens was on his way. Five months after their Weekend, forty couples gathered at Our Lady of Victory Catholic Church, to witness the vows of Ted & Jackie Stephens. Father Martin and Father Neil were celebrants.

The Joy
Before Mass, Jackie was baptized and made her first confession. (She had not been able to find a record of being baptized in her previous faith.) During the Mass, she received her First Communion and Confirmation. Then, they said their vows, and received the Sacrament of Matrimony. Five sacraments in one day!

At one point in the ceremony, Father NeiI asked, with a smile, "Will you accept the children God gives you?" They placed their hands on Jackie's now swollen tummy and chorused loudly, "We do!" The Church erupted in wild applause.

Teddy Stephens was born on a Sunday morning, the Lord's special day. Two years later, his brother Paul was born, also on a Sunday. And then came Jimmy, another Sunday baby boy. Finally, Sara arrived, a winsome, precocious little charmer, who keeps her parents and brothers in a constant state of turmoil and joy!

Soon after their Weekend, Ted and Jackie became active in the Pre-Cana Day in their diocese. Eventually, they became coordinators of Pre-Cana. Later, when Engaged Encounter started; they became a team couple. They, also, went to the local Catholic high school and presented the course, "Matrimony, Jesus Invites Us To Love." Every Wednesday, Ted left work and the, two of them taught the class, sharing their lives with the students. Kids all over town came to know and love them. They, also, have been very active in their parish, helping on the parish program for the engaged, serving on the school council and the parish council. Recently, they began working with the Sacrificial Giving Program at their parish. They are involved with CCD, and Ted works with the altar boys. They have recruited over twenty-five couples and several priests to attend the Weekend

So, this is Stephens' Story... a love story... a story of conversion... a story of faith... a story of the Weekend in the lives of one couple, which bore fruit that continues to renew the Church and change the world!

Click here for a printable version (PDF, 13KB)