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  Family - Weekend Effect

Our Journey In Adoption

Pete & Nancy Wright

(Excerpted from the 1985 July-August Worldwide Family Spirit magazine)

Hi Lovers,

We last left you having said Yes to three new children from Korea. This next episode is not so much the experience of getting three children, but more our experience of our WWME family and Church in Korea.

We learned we could fly to Korea to bring the kids home for the same cost as having them escorted here, so it was, "Sancho, our sword!" It was scary to think of traveling 5000 miles over the ocean to a land whose language and culture were so foreign to us. So we looked in our M.E. International Directory and wrote to the contact couple and Priest, Clemens and Theresa Kim and Fr. Chris Spalatin, to ask for any help they might be able to provide. Their response was overwhelming. Not to worry, they'd take care of everything. We also had an offer for help from Fr. John Keenan, a Maryknoll friend of Fr. John Soltis. So, needless-to-say, we felt embraced by our Church as we embarked on this adventure. When we arrived at Seoul Airport we were shocked to see how tough it was to communicate - even in customs. But, thank goodness, there were four smiling faces, Clemens Kim, Vincent & Perpetua Oh (Korean Exec Team) and Fr. Chris Spalatin. They welcomed us warmly and we made plans for the next day before heading off with Clemens for their home After a hair-raising ride (Koreans make New York taxi drivers look like pansies - the horn is the principle driving implement) , we got to the Kim's apartment (most Koreans live in Apartments) . Theresa had prepared a wonderful traditional Korean dinner, and we met Fr Sal Caputo, a Columban who had just gone full time for M.E. He was to become our guardian angel, at our side the whole time we were there.

Next morning we were off to Holt to try to get some details out of the way, but that was not to be until our day of departure in a last minute scramble. We met Vincent and Perpetua, Clemens and Theresa, Fr. Sal, Fr. Kevin Fleming, another Columbian in the M.E. apostolate, and Michael and Cecelia, another M.E couple, for lunch at a typical nice restaurant. You may wonder about the Christian first names All Catholics take a saints name when they join the Church, and that is the name they go by from then on, even if they join as adults. Great care is taken in choosing a saint and they know their stories by heart. Catholics are the only ones who follow this practice. What a sign! Can you imagine if you had to take a Korean first name when you joined the Church here?

Sal and Fr. Kevin, of course, spoke English and Korean, as did Clemens. Everyone else had a smattering of English. Despite that we had a neat sharing. They marveled at what we were up to, as adoption is not common in Korea because blood ties are very important to them. At the end of lunch Michael and Cecelia shared in Korean that they could have no more children themselves, but after being with us wanted to look into adoption. Do we have a stake in each other, even across oceans? The answer is a powerful yes.

We toured Seoul in the P.M. with Sal, and then went to the Columban House for a cool drink, a dialogue and a snooze. The missionaries there were from all over the world - Australia, Ireland, etc. What great men! They were so gracious and warm to us, and when they learned of our mission they couldn't do too much for us. They gave us a book on the Korean people, allowed us to make toll calls on their phone, and blessed us on our way. Total strangers when we met - brothers in the Lord when we left.

Back to the Kim's for dinner with Frs. Kevin, Sal and Chris and an evening of rapping the new outline. They wanted us to bring them up-to date, but we judged we learned more from them. Our weekend is the same in Seoul as it is here. Those folks had a profound understanding of the weekend, and we were filled with pride and joy to see their love for the Sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders. There are 2000 couples on the waiting list for the weekend in Seoul and weekends are flourishing.

The next day we went to mass at Theresa and Clemens parish. It looked the same as one of our modern Churches except there were no kneelers. We asked why and were told there are so many converts to the Church that they had to take the kneelers out to make room for more people. The people sang beautifully and kind of chanted their prayers. At the Kiss of Peace they bowed reverently to one another. We were the only non- Koreans in the building, yet we were at home with our faith family. We couldn't understand the words, but it was our mass too and we knew where we were in it the whole time. They took communion in the hand, but there was again a reverent bow with outstretched hands, palms uplifted. It strikes us now as we reflect that the same reverent bow was used at the Kiss of Peace and at communion - a reverence to the Eucharist present in each other and the bread.

It's not easy to be Catholic in Korea. They are governed by a military dictatorship that rules with an iron fist. More than two children are not only frowned upon, but a person can lose their job if they have a third child. Abortion runs rampant, in part because of this government policy. Koreans want at least one boy and if the sex check of the pregnant woman reveals the second child is a girl like the first, it isn't wanted. Numerous priests are in jail because of trying to help people who aren't politically in tune with the government. At the first weekend in Korea, the secret police showed up demanding copies of the talks and outlines. Clemens Kim refused at who knows what risk. Fortunately, they got the assistant prosecutor to make the second weekend which was a flyer for he and his wife. That solved the problem and the secret police were seen no more.

After lunch Sal began to drive us to Chechon, a town three hours from Seoul, where the orphanage is located. Directions and the language were so difficult that we wouldn't have made it without him. We stopped and trialogued at a roadside stop along the way. We're afraid we scandalized a lot of Koreans (who are very non-demonstrative in public) when the three of us held hands to pray and share. We dialogued on "HDIF sharing this experience with you?" And all had a similar response. It was a sense of tremendous belonging. We realized we were part of a faith family that knows no cultural or geographic bounds. Fr. Sal. as priest, represented to us all of you, our Catholic brothers and sisters. How could we feel alone in a strange land? All of you were present too, in the persons of Fr. Sal, Clemens and Theresa and the others.

When we arrived at the orphanage, Jane White, the director, met us at the gate and took us to her quarters to chat while the children had dinner. She is an Evangelical Christian gal from Wisconsin, of no particular faith denomination, but has spent all twenty of her years since college developing and running the Chechon Children's Home. She's a fiery redhead which serves her well in fighting the anti-woman bureaucracy in Korea.

Then, the fateful moment, time to meet the kids. We were shaking in our boots. How would they respond to us? How could we communicate with them? We walked into the playroom and thirty little kids came running to us with uplifted arms saying, "Omma!" "Appa!" (Mommy!, Daddy!) Get the hankies out again, folks! We sat on the floor buried in children chattering away and laughing at our big ears and long noses. One little guy kept clinging to Pete's leg and we were told" that's Sun Hoe, your son." A cute chubby little girl sat twenty feet away looking shyly at us. She was Min You, and once she allowed us to pick her up she didn't want to let go. One boy about 8 who looked like Sun Pil ran from the room. "What on earth?," we thought. He quickly returned with the little book of pictures we had sent beforehand. He flipped the pages until he came to a snapshot of Pete and Nancy. He pointed to it, pointed to us, his face lit up, and having verified we were the ones, he came to us for a hello hug.

Fr. Sal was indispensable now as an interpreter between our new children and us.

We played that evening and the next morning with all the children. We were impressed by their openness to non-verbal affection. Koreans are loving family folks, but just don't show non -verbal affection in public. Obviously, this orphanage was a place of love. We had a chance to see their prayer time, one hour every morning and a half-hour before bedtime. The older children (7, 8 and 9) led the younger ones in singing with gusto interspersed by spontaneous individual prayer (aloud). You can't imagine the beauty of thirty kids from ages one to nine sitting in a circle talking fervently away to God. What are they praying for Pete asked? "Mostly for a family to take them," he was told.

We said our goodbyes and headed out in late morning. We had a joyful reunion with the Kims in Seoul where we stayed the last night before returning to Seattle. They were so wonderful to us and the kids - a much needed transition zone full of love and hospitality.

Next morning, Sun Pil was up and anxious to get going. He helped us pack our bags, we think because he thought we were moving too slow. We then went to Holt with Clemens and the kids for the final paperwork and were hung up for a couple of hours as the hands of the clock moved steadily toward the time of our departure. Uptight? We darn near made the Guinness book of records.

At last we were legal and raced to the airport. There were Fr. Chris, Vincent and Perpetua, Fr. Sal and the rest of the Kim family to see us off. We had been in Korea only five days but the love had been almost instantaneous with these lovers who share our dream of renewing our Church for the sake of the world. It was a tearful goodbye for us; we knew we could never repay the gift they had given us - they had embraced us - strangers * as family. As we walked into the entry way we glanced back. There they were, the Korean lovers, waving to us with thumb, pointer and pinky extended in our WWME. sign.

It was a bittersweet feeling we felt as we boarded the plane. Yes, a piece of our hearts was to remain forever in Korea, but we were excited to begin our new life at home with our very precious cargo. Unreachable stars? Not when you belong to a worldwide family of Don Quixotes.

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The Wright Family, 1985

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