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Bishop and Priest Meetings

Todd & Deb Banchor

(Editor’s Note: The information was sent from a couple in Omaha, NE. to their Section Coordinators and is shared with their permission.)

For our meeting with the Archbishop we used the “Bishop/Deanery Meeting Set Up Tip Sheet” that is enclosed below. It gives good advice on how to respond to some of the commonly voiced concerns of the Bishop, etc. At our meeting with the Archbishop we introduced ourselves and talked a little about WWME. We indicated that we needed his support and indicated that areas where WWME is successful typically has visible support from the Archbishop. He had been Encountered about 30 years ago and was familiar with our group. If he had not been, we would have explained more to him. We reviewed the mission statement. We talked about how important it is for there to be support for marriages and for our priests in our world today. One of his primary goals to our new Family Life Office is for support of marriages. He also mentioned that Marriage Encounter is one of the primary avenues for Catholic couples to enrich their marriages. We asked for his support. His response was to say that we should send him a letter with specific areas of support we seek (see attachment). It should be sent to him directly and he would use it in his correspondence with the priests. We asked him if we could talk at the annual priests' retreat. He told us to contact the president of the Priest Council and we were able to get on the agenda. He also gave us the ideas of contacting the Deacons' Council to talk to them, the head of the Knights of Columbus, and the priest who oversees the active but retired priests' of the area. He told us to ask at the Priests' Council about gaining support from them for pulpit talks and speaking at the general priests' retreat since they set the agenda for it. Luckily, our Archbishop was very supportive. During the meeting we told him about how WWME has impacted our lives.

At our Priests' Council this was the outline we went in with:

1. Thank you for letting us come and introduce ourselves (married 23 yrs., 2 sons, St. Gerald's, ME weekend in 1985)

2. Read mission statement, pointing out it is for both couples and priests.

3. Marriage Encounter is one of the most prominent experiences for married couples to enhance their marriages in the Catholic Church. It has touched literally millions of marriages worldwide.

4. About the Weekend: not counseling; opportunity to focus on just the spousal relationship without distractions; presented by 3 couples and 1 priest; topics are presented, personal reflection time, and discussion in the privacy of their own room. There is no group sharing on the weekend.

5. We know the benefits for couples -- you might be asking yourself "How does this Weekend benefit me as a priest?" This is a great opportunity for you to focus on your relationship with your spouse. You are called just as much to a spousal relationship as we are. Your spouse is the Church -- the people. The Church is the spouse of Christ and you represent Christ in a unique way. Therefore, you are called to be the spouse of your people. Just as we, in our spousal relationship, need to do things to enhance, feed, and strengthen our relationship, you, too, have that need. We invite you to go for your own enrichment. There is no obligation or expectation that you will be involved beyond your choosing. (We repeated that point and that the Weekend is for their relationship with their people.)

6. Marriage Encounter in our Archdiocese has been active since the mid 70's. Recently there has been a struggle to fill the Weekends. Many people are unaware of it and its benefits. In fact, many couples and even priests confuse it with Engaged Encounter, which is a spin off of Marriage Encounter. Lately, there has been a big effort to inform people about Marriage Encounter and our Sept. weekend is almost full. Much of this education has taken place through 3 minute testimonials ("pulpit talks") at mass and bulletin announcements. We would be happy to set up dates to talk in each of your parishes as much as possible. Can we please share this good news with your parishioners? (This is where the Archbishop voiced his support for us.) Also, you've heard today about Marriage Encounter but there are many other priests to reach out to. Would you please allow us to speak briefly at the priests' retreat in Jan. or Feb.? (That is when the retreat is held and we directed the question to the Archbishop and the President of the Priest Council, and again, the Archbishop was supportive of us openly.)

7. Your support of marriage is vital in our world today. By the way, on the Weekend couples are encouraged to be open and apostolic, to take their talents and share them. Many use them in their parishes. This is also a benefit to you, given the workload you have. (Here we referred to an article that had just been in our newspaper about the average number of people each priest ministers to.)

8. We are very interested in hearing any ideas you have or answering any of your questions. Thank you!

We had some opportunities to "come off the outline" and just share from our hearts. For example, I (Deb) told them about a friend of mine who took a class and she was challenged to think of the five things in her life that had the greatest impact. I told them it got me thinking and of course my birth family, getting married, and having children were on the list. For me though, Marriage Encounter was also on the list because of the impact it had on my personal growth, our marriage, and my reaching out to others as a result of our experiences. When we were asked if we would be willing to do pulpit talks outside of the Omaha area, we mentioned that we would, because it was such a good experience it would be a shame not to share it ("We have testimony, will travel.").

The priests asked several questions, such as:
- What is our relationship with Retrouvaille?
- Is there anything for couples after the Weekend? (The priest asking this was encountered and he was asking so others would know the answer. We also mentioned there was Share Groups for priests to be a part of.)
- If it's for couples with basically good marriages, do we have any kind of a screening process?

Are we willing to travel to other parts of the archdiocese to do pulpit talks?

We followed up after the meeting with thank you letters to the Archbishop and President of the Priest Council.

We hope this helps you, and wish you best of luck.
Love & Hugs,
Todd & Deb Banchor

BISHOP/DEANERY MEETING
SET UP TIP SHEET

RESOURCES:

WWME Priest Portfolio, 1 page handout on World Marriage Day & World Priest Day.

RESEARCH:

Knowledge of other groups supporting Priests, i.e.: Knights of Columbus (back page of magazine, etc), Catholic Daughters of America (their Priest Appreciation is in June), Serra Club (supports vocations), etc.

FORMATION:

1. Have a clear focus, “END IN MIND” for your meeting with the bishop. That focus is important to successfully getting a meeting with your bishop (or deanery), and important during your meeting. Are you going to introduce yourselves, establish a relationship and/or passing on information? Do you intend on forming the bishop about WWME activities in the diocese (Weekends, World Marriage Day, World Priest Day)? Are you soliciting specific support for weekends with his priests, or in WWME parish efforts? Are you trying to get a good foothold with the Family Life Office? Are you inviting him to a Weekend?

WHAT IS YOUR END IN MIND? HAVE SEVERAL OPTIONS TO GO WITH YOUR PRIMARY END IN MIND!

2. Be prepared to identify what WWME has done for the Diocese and what it can do. This could include support for marriage (Diocesan honors for 25 & 50th Anniversary couples), Encountered couples involvement in the parish, i.e.: marriage preparation support, priest support (presence or help with annual jubilee celebration of priests and religious), vocation promotion through World Priest Day, Prayer, & Dialogue Questions.

3. Depending on size of your diocese and leadership style of the bishop, you may have layers of people to deal with before reaching the bishop (Lay Secretary, Priest Secretary, Vicar, or Chancellor). Or, you may be able to get to him quickly & directly. Some bishops will schedule a meeting by phone and others by letter. If he resists the meeting, romance him. Remember every group in the diocese is seeking his attention and support, so be patient and persistent. Plan B, in lieu of meeting with the Bishop, is to schedule a meeting with your Family Life Director.

4. Before the meeting try to anticipate what resistance you might receive in the meeting and have answers ready.

For example: If I endorse your program, I have to endorse all programs! Answer: The condition of marriage and family life today is critical, Worldwide Marriage Encounter is the best proactive preventative maintenance program available for married couples. It not only benefits the couple, but it helps improve their communication and relationship with their children.

I have a shortage of priests already, it is impossible to free up a priest to help present a weekend for 20 couples! Answer: Ministering to troubled marriages takes up a lot of priest’s time. In the long-run, getting Worldwide Marriage Encounter thriving in the diocese will lift some of that burden from your priests because it will head off potential trouble in a marriage. Additionally, couples on the weekend are encouraged to get involved in their parish and history has shown that many lay leaders in parishes and dioceses had their conversion on a Marriage Encounter Weekend. More volunteers at the parish will help your overworked priests. Our movement has priests that will come in to present the weekend here so we are not asking you to supply us with a priest.

We already have the K of C’s and whomever, supporting our priests or marriages in our diocese! Answer: With the state of Marriage in today’s world, the more the better. Program variety is a good thing. Different programs appeal to different couples.

We already have National Marriage Encounter in the diocese. Answer: The movement is not a Catholic Movement.. They do not have a priest on their weekends, so the couples can’t take advantage of the Sacrament of Reconciliation or attend Mass. Our weekend provides fertile ground for conversions because of the presence of a priest on all of our weekends.

In other words – be ready!

PROCESS

1. When should you seek the meeting? Anytime is a good time. However, summertime might be good as the parochial year (September –May) is a busy time. Meeting during the summer will be helpful to the diocese in planning for the next year. Try to set the meeting up several months in advance as bishop’s schedules get filled in quickly.

2. How much time should you ask for? Ask for about 30 minutes of his time and expect to get 15. If the bishop likes what he’s hearing or wants to know more, your meeting time may go overtime. Daytime is probably the best time for your meeting.

3. What might be the outline for the meeting? Credential yourself (who are you, your parish, who you represent, how long you’ve been married, children). Then let the bishop know what your agenda is and proceed to follow that agenda.

4. During your meeting, both members of the couple, or all members of the Ecclesial Team should participate in the discussion.

5. At the conclusion of the meeting, confirm the next steps for the diocese with him and be sure you and your community follow through on those next steps.

Click here for a printable version (PDF, 23KB)

Click here to download a printable version of the Tip Sheet (PDF, 11KB)