eMatrimony.org

Supporting, Encouraging, and Challenging the WWME Community

  Love Letters - Readership

Communicating Our Feelings

Fr. Bob McDonald, Section 1

At the Parish Bazaar I saw her. She stood in the bean-bag throwing booth. Her long face and sagging shoulders spoke of deep sorrow. Without knowing it, she was communicating those sad feelings. Her sadness shouted through all the joyful sounds of the crowd playing the games, trying their skills, enjoying the food. I began to feel sorrow. I learned that her parents have begun the process of Divorce.

We are able to read the feelings of our spouse, sometimes. But often we are mistaken. We read the nonverbal signs, but must ask our spouse if what we see is the true feeling.

When we ask, we avoid asking “Why?” Only our spouse can reveal the true feelings they are carrying. We must say: “Honey, you do not seem to be happy right now. Would you please tell me how you feel?”

We may need to be very patient. Perhaps our spouse is not aware of the feeling which we have noticed. We can encourage our spouse, reminding them that all of our feelings are neither right nor wrong, since they did not choose to have those feelings. Men especially have difficulty recognizing their fear or loneliness. Women seem to struggle to admit they are feeling angry.

Important to remember: If we are not aware of our feelings, we may act out, saying and doing things that hurt, even though not intended.

One of the Five Tools for keeping our relationship alive and top priority is CONSTANT ATTENTION to our COMMUNICATION.

That means that we pay attention to our spouse, watching for signals. And we give little signals to each other. Paying attention to each other is one way to say: “I love you.”

HAPPY DIALOGUE! I love you. –
Father Bob McDonald, SM

Click here for a printable version (PDF, 5KB)