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Matrimony: A Sacrament for Healing

Fr. Bob McDonald

We send messages without knowing it. Body language may say, “We are too busy right now”; but we are not aware of it. Our attention is on keeping the house clean and in order; it seems to be more important than anything else. At least it seems that way to the one who is lonely, scared or angry, and is seeking some attention. Or the computer, the cell phone or the newspaper have grabbed our focus and we are not aware that someone is seeking a listening ear.

I get lost in doing puzzles. One of my favorites is cryptograms. I keep one that I solved a while back. It is a quotation from Thomas Merton, the Monk who wrote many interesting and wise books. “The meaning of life is found in openness to being and “being present” in full awareness.”

“Being” as opposed to “doing”: we experience some self-importance in doing things. “Being present” in full awareness is how we find real meaning in our life.

Being present in full awareness of another is a gift of life to that person. It conveys the message: “You are important to me”. It gives “being” to the other. By being fully present to another, the focus is off me; it is un-selfish; it is life giving.

I believe that many hurts occur because we are unaware of what is going on in the other person. We are not fully present. We are not reading the “body language” We do not see, we do not hear, we do not check out what is going on in the one we love.

The Sacrament of Matrimony, like the other six Sacraments, gives Grace. One of the Graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony is the grace of Healing. We receive the power from God to forgive one another. And we receive the Grace to ask forgiveness. And we receive the Grace to change our behavior.

One thing that heals the hurts is “paying attention”... reading the body language, and checking out the message. Being fully present to the one we love is an ideal. It will become a value for us only if we work at being fully present to our spouse all day One of the Five Tools of Keeping Our Relationship a Priority is “Constant Attention to Communication”. That is just another way of saying: “Being fully present” to our spouse.

Daily Dialogue is a help to making this come true. “Reality Check” is the name. At the end of each dialogue we can decide what we are going to do today to stay fully present to the one who is our partner in the Sacrament of Matrimony.

Our success gives Grace to our children, and to everyone around us.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Five Tools of Keeping Our Relationship a Priority are:
1. Constant attention to our communication.
2. Attention to our sexual relationship
3. Prayer for each other, including couple prayer
4. Journeying with others
5. Reevaluation

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