eMatrimony.org

Supporting, Encouraging, and Challenging the WWME Community

  News - International

The Weekend Works and Changes Worlds

Fr. Jack Nuelle

(Reprinted from the Summer, 1991 Matrimony Magazine)

Dear Friends,

Writing my story seems like a monumental task, even only beginning with my Marriage Encounter Weekend, but I'm going to try. In doing so, I'd like to offer you a Malagasy saying to add to your international vocabulary. ''Tiako ianarea.'' I love you.

Rome is where I now "hang my hat''. It will continue to be so for another three years. Then, God willing, I'll return to Madagascar where one of my most satisfying endeavors was helping to introduce the Marriage Encounter Weekend there some years ago.

My Marriage Encounter was in January, 1979. It was a real turning point in my life as a human being and as a priest. Long years of relative isolation as a missionary had taken their toll. Physical, Mental, and spiritual burn-out were adding to the midlife crisis I was going through. Being an action-oriented person, I sought to deny my hurts, disillusions and frustrations by focusing on what I could do for others.

I welcomed the approaching time for my home leave. A few days before departure, a young couple came to see me. I knew them well. They'd both been leaders in the church youth groups before their marriage. Five years and three children later, they were looking for something' more in their marital relationship than what they were presently experiencing. Could I help them in some way? Was there a church group that focused on their anxieties? With so little time to discuss their needs, ideas and visions, I promised to do some research while at home.

That promise must have struck a more sensitive chord in me than I realized at the time. On my first day at home, some friends asked if I had any special plans for my vacation. I mentioned the young Malagasy couple's request. Their faces lit up as they explained: “We've got just what you're looking for!" Not long afterward, one couple invited me to dinner. Their intent was to "wine, dine, and sign!" They accomplished their mission. The Weekend, which I sought in view of helping others, produced astonishing effects in my life. Two couples, living thousands of miles apart, reached out and touched a searching soul. Who says that couples don't minister to priests?

Beginnings are beautiful! They can also be exhausting. Within less than three months, I made my Deeper, wrote my talks and gave three Weekends. Then I returned to Madagascar. With a small group of interested couples, planning began. We lacked funds to get started. We were without adequate documentation. The first French speaking country to become part of the African Secretariat, we experienced the friendly isolation that comes from being an island. But we had faith in the call to be apostolic. We were determined to step out onto the turbulent waters and to walk.

Marriage Encounter proved its claim to be Worldwide. The international community came to our aide. Montréal assured the initial Weekends for the first prospective teams Paris provided accommodations for the Deeper Weekend. Again, Montréal sent the senior couple to complete the team for the first four Weekends in Madagascar. Various circles in the United States send money to finance these “misadventures”.

In the years that followed, our small Marriage Encounter community struggled to deepen the values proposed on the Weekend. For the first three years we scheduled only two Weekends a year. These were given in French, and this necessarily limited the couples who could come on the Weekend. After 20 years of independence, the native Malagasy language had become the ordinary means of communication. Yet we judged that before presenting the Weekend in the native language, it had to be lived and understood from a Malagasy point of view. Translating M. E. concepts, and especially the M.E. jargon, is not just a question of using different words. The spirit behind them must be captured and communicated. In a culture where men and women's roles are clearly defined, to dialogue as equals on a feeling level could seem a subversive idea. Their ''Modern World" was still deeply rooted in honored ancestral customs and taboos. Seating of "men on one side and women on the other" was still in vogue in many churches. Initial adaptations had to be made.

Just when our team couples were numerous enough and their talks workshopped, the outline changed. For one full year we gave no Weekends. Couples and priests reflected on the '”Malagasy dimension" of the Weekend and Post-Weekend. We rewrote talks, but this time in the native language. After five years of planning and preparation, we were ready to give a Marriage Encounter Weekend with a distinctive Malagasy flavor.

Poor people have poor choices! There were very few localities adapted to the needs of the Weekend. Most of them were out of our price range. Many Weekends became possible through the generosity of circles or communities in the United States, especially lovers in Houston, Texas. I could tell of Weekends when the team couples and priest slept on the floor of the Conference Room - leaving maximum amount of rooms open for the couples. On one Weekend, some couples slept under the stars! Other venues lacked electricity. A candlelight dinner may be conducive to romance, but flickering candlelight doesn't help you concentrate during a late evening presentation. As the community slowly grew, couples from previous Weekends cooked for the next ones, helping to reduce the costs.

Sometimes one or both of the spouses on the Weekend couldn't read or write. For them the usual writing period became a “back to back" sharing, which was followed by the regular face-to-face encounter. This was a method they could easily continue back home.

One of the most touching incidents was of a couple who, too poor even to afford public transportation, walked 9 hours over the mountains to come on a Weekend. Neither could they afford to offer money for their participation in that Weekend experience. So they carried with them 25 pounds of rice (the main food staple) to give in exchange. Later they assured me that it was not the absence of those 25 pounds that made their steps lighter as they trekked back to their village. The weight of years of disillusionment and useless misunderstandings in their marriage had been a much heavier burden to carry.

Returning to Madagascar each year has been a grace for me... so has giving Weekends and Deeper Weekends while I was there. Ours is not a striking success story. The road we traveled has contained all sorts of gullies and landslides. At times, it even seemed we were going backward. Yet there were also long stretches of joy, enthusiasm and satisfaction. We continue to go through the stages of romance, disillusionment and joy. Our final story is not yet written.

Reading the articles in Matrimony helps me on my journey. It reinforces my desire to deepen my relationships with God, with my LaSalette Community, my fellow priests and the people of God calls me to walk with. Topping that list of people is a special couple - Alan & Dee Baumann from Houston, Texas. They have helped to clarify my understanding of Jesus' command to love. They challenge me to make it the centerpiece of my life. Thanks, guys!

When you read these lines I shall again be returning to Madagascar. In the name of the Malagasy Marriage Encounter Family, I'd like to say thanks to all the couples, priests, religious and kids who have been and continue to be part of our journey.

As we say in Malagasy: ''Tiako ianareo." I love you.

Fr. Jack Nuelle

Click here for a printable version (PDF, 15KB)