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Keeping the Flame Alive

Jean Parietti

Private time, improving communications help couples guard against complacency

Larry & Suzanne Cessna

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, married couples may be thinking about how to put some spark back into their relationships.

More of them should consider making a Marriage Encounter, say Larry and Suzanne Cessna of Bothell. “I don’t think it’s something that you do because your marriage is unhealthy,” Suzanne said. “You do it to keep that flame alive.”

Larry, who’s in the Navy, called Marriage Encounter a “preemptive strike” that guards against complacency or becoming “married singles” – couples who live in the same house but focus more on separate interests.

Marriage Encounter traditionally is a weekend experience, allowing couples to temporarily leave daily life behind so they can focus on deepening their relationship. During the retreat, couples hear talks given by three presenter couples and a priest. They learn tools for improving communication and have private time to reflect on their relationship with each other and with God.

It’s not for ‘old timers’
Couples don’t have to be married for decades to benefit from the experience. Larry, 29, and Suzanne, 31, were married just six years, with two young daughters, when they decided last March was the right time to make a Marriage Encounter.

This weekend, 20 couples will make a Marriage Encounter in Tukwila. The retreat coincides with World Marriage Day, which has been celebrated on the second Sunday of February for the past 23 years.

The day is intended to honor “husband and wife as head of the family, the basic unit of society. It salutes the beauty of their faithfulness, sacrifice and joy in daily married life,” according to Worldwide Marriage Encounter, which sponsors the observance.

Some local parishes have held annual marriage celebrations for years. But this year, Archbishop Alex J. Brunett and the archdiocesan Office of Faith Formation encouraged more parishes to join the ranks of those that mark World Marriage Day, according to Mary Cross, the Archbishop’s Delegate for Catholic Faith Formation.

“This is one of many initiatives that he’s making to support sacramental and Catholic marriages,” Cross said of Archbishop Brunett.

Some parishes will mark the day with a renewal of vows at a special Mass, followed by a dinner-dance, while parishes will include a marriage blessing at this weekend’s Masses. Such observances may seem simple in one sense, Cross said, but they serve as a reminder of what Catholic marriage is – “a lifelong commitment in which married couples sacrifice for the love of each other.”

A new format coming
The archbishop is also encouraging married couples and priests to participate in a new “parish friendly” format of Marriage Encounter, Cross said.

The new format, being introduced in the archdiocese in June, divides the retreat into four sessions – starting on a Sunday, continuing on two evenings that week and concluding the following Sunday. Couples will go home after each session.

Although spread out over four days, the experience won’t be a watered-down version, according to Jack and Karen Baker, a Bellevue couple who serve as local area leaders and presenters for Worldwide Marriage Encounter. “It’s the same presentations that are given on the weekend,” Jack said.

Since the new format is based in parishes, more priests should be able to take part because they won’t have to leave their parishes for a full weekend to be Marriage Encounter presenters, Cross explained.

“The archbishop is really supporting and inviting priests to be sure to participate in this and get people in the parishes involved,” she said. “There was very positive response so far from the priests.”

Couples considering a Marriage Encounter in either format won’t be disappointed, the Cessnas and Bakers say.

Relationships change with time

Jack & Karen Baker

“It improved our marriage immensely,” Jack Baker said, and their continuing involvement in Marriage Encounter as presenters keeps their 36-year-old marriage strong. “Relationships change all the time,” Karen Baker said. “We go through different experiences. We’re always learning about one another.”

That learning starts during the Marriage Encounter experience, Suzanne Cessna said: “You gain a new awareness. On the weekend, you find out new things,” she said.

“Who doesn’t want to learn something new about their significant other?” Larry Cessna asked.

“You do rekindle that passion,” Suzanne said. Once again, “you are excited to be with each other.”

(Reprinted with the permission of The Catholic Northwest Progress)

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