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| News - Convention We Are Called To Love God - Convention Presentation 2 Gil & Rose Apodaca and Fr. Dennis Koopman WWME CONVENTION 2003 Talk 2
To Love GodROSE The encouragement came from knowing that we reveal His love to each other and know God more in the way we love one another. By making those decisions to love, praying together and taking responsibility to be the best sacrament we can be. I was also taken back to the awesome experience of our weekend over 23 years ago. Our decision to make daily dialogue a lifestyle, and praying for one another out loud took us on an amazing journey and dimension of knowing God more and keeping Him at the center of our Sacrament. Father DENNIS I relearned the tool of Lectio Divina this morning. It brought tender feelings to my heart, such as being hugged by Jesus. Reading the scriptures to learn more about who God is and reading spiritual authors are so very necessary and powerful for me on my spiritual journey. I so easily get caught in the trap of having all my daily worries lay heavy burdens on my shoulders. I get so quickly wrapped up in thinking and acting as if everything depends on me. But then, when I spend time sitting at the feet of scriptures, God’s words to me let me know how personal and caring God is for me. Then I feel those weights of my burdens lightened by Jesus’ loving hands. I so desperately need these times of focusing on who God truly is for me and how active god is in my daily life! GIL My love letter to God allowed me to ask for forgiveness for the times I fail to recognize Him in Rose and in others. Obviously, God already knows my feelings and me but there was such an inner peace being able to tell God I felt afraid to let go and give Him the control. I simply need to accept His challenge to totally trust in Him and seek His kingdom, instead of worrying about tomorrow. I tearfully wrote to God…”Lord, I’m scared as I hear you say ‘get to know me more, my son… I will take care of your needs. All I want you to do is to love me, and love one another as I love you!” Being able to tell God that I was scared triggered feelings of relief and hope. Writing a love letter to God was a very freeing experience for me, and a reminder of how I need to be His hands and feet to others. Father DENNIS That is a very wonderful place to be with God. But that peaceful place can be a little too mesmerizing, too ethereal. Jesus tells us very clearly that we cannot just wish someone well, but that we must take action to help and assist that person in their need. The action to which we are called is “to love God with our whole mind, our whole heart and with our whole being; and then to love our neighbor as ourselves!” I learned on my weekend that love is not just a warm fuzzy feeling, but that “to love” is a decision, an action of movement into a deeper reality! I must accept my responsibility to act. I must accept responsibility to love that person in front of me! I find that my lack of action to love God, my lack of action to spend quality prayer and meditation time, lets me slide on that downward spiral of selfishness and loneliness. My only way out of that downward slide is to decide to take personal responsibility to live my call to love God by loving others. I must make real my love of others. Only then do I notice a movement within me to experience God as he really is --- a God of love! ROSE Can you imagine walking with Jesus along with His disciples and being filled with His presence and words? I’d like to believe that I’d be on fire with energy as I listened to Him. But would I be smart enough to walk with Him? Or would I be like Thomas, and doubt? I do believe we can live out His call to love Him here and NOW, by the way we respond to one another. God is not physically there for us to see Him, as the Disciples did, and yet, He really IS because His love lives on in US! I see God in my honey…in Father Dennis…in our children…and in all of you! There are so many times when I’m truly listening to Gil with my heart that I experience the Holy Spirit speaking through him! There’s that fire burning within me, my eyes are sparkling and I’m filled with His love. This pride wells up in me knowing when Gil & I pray together as a couple, family or community, we are loving God and seeing Him in each other. Each time we sacrifice our time to be for others, when we ask for forgiveness, extend forgiveness, or when we share our value of faith and church with our children…we are loving God. Taking time to see our children, especially our adult children through God’s eyes with respect, compassion and understanding, we are bringing His love alive. When I go beyond my comfort zone and ask a homeless person if they are hungry and would they like some food…I’m loving God. All we have to do is turn and look into our spouse’s eyes right now… to see the many ways we live out His call to love Him in this world today and everyday. GIL WOW! God is not mincing any words here, is He? If we do not love our brother or sister in Christ, then in essence, we are failing to love God. His message to us is VERY CLEAR! This means that I can’t claim to be a spiritual, God fearing person and proclaim to others that Jesus is Lord, and then turn around and hurt Rose and others by taking them for granted. His words YELL OUT “Don’t be a hypocrite” by going to daily mass and saying the rosary, and then leave church without any compassion or mercy in your heart for the homeless, or make judgments about our youth because they dress so differently. I am reminded of those times when I’m driving and a person is driving so slow that I begin to boil inside with frustration and anger. I wind up yelling and calling him or her “old fool”, or “idiot”…Yet, I proclaim to love God! If God were driving that same car, I’d be ever so patient and compassionate. I’d have this big smile rather than looking mad and grouchy as I would with my brother or sister on the road. I feel ashamed…It’s like the shame I feel as I reflect on my hurtful behavior with our 23-year-old son Anthony lately. It’s also similar to how I felt when I found out my brother had contracted Aids. And…even more so to discover and admit that I was too ashamed to ask others to pray for him because of fears of what they would think of me…But hey…I still proclaimed to love God! Again, we are all called to love one another as it says in 1 John “for whoever does NOT love a brother, whom he has seen, CANNOT love God whom he has not seen.” The fact of the matter is that the CRAZY and PASSIONATE way I love Rose…how she loves me… and how ALL OF YOU love your spouse, is the most perfect way I know - of how we can love God, whom we cannot see. ROSE It’s so very sad that I actually do that to this man who means the world to me. God brought us together and gifted me with a beautiful love and Sacrament. Our 35 years together are treasured and can never be measured to all the riches in the world! Yet…I still take my lover for granted. My morning prayer is to thank God for another day together, but does that awareness stay strong in my heart? Without a doubt, I find myself getting caught up in the rat race of the day. I get self-absorbed on my agenda, and easily start snapping at Gil for being on the computer so long. Or, I become critical when I judge he is too harsh with Anthony. My nasty, superior attitude kicks in and my remarks are quick and sharp. I can’t believe how often I’ve shortchanged my lover in my efforts to be Holy and pious. One moment, I’m asking him to pray the rosary with me and the next, I’m snapping at him for not buying the tortillas that were on sale or diminishing my willingness to be vulnerable to his sexual touches because I’m too busy. At night before I pray I should be more aware of Gil and acknowledge those moments of being insensitive and unloving. This feels me with shame. The significance of this scripture shakes up this delusion that I can love God and pray to him when I do not express my love for my Honey! I remember recently dialoguing on our feelings about getting some repairs done around the house. I thought I had explored enough into Gil’s feeling of guilt and done with our dialogue. I began to talk about the issue and it didn’t take long for my insensitive remark to come out of how letting things go too long had made more work for us. Needless to say, Gil coiled up like a turtle and I could sense the harsh tone and coolness between us. It was a couple of hours before we went to bed, and I’d say Gil was cordial but there no passion as we let the TV consume us. Instead of asking for forgiveness, I let it go which kept our love silent. Before I prayed that evening, I asked Gil if I needed to ask for forgiveness. He said “no”. I should’ve asked for forgiveness anyway but instead proceeded to pray. It was easier at that moment to delude myself by being pious. When I blessed Gil I could sense the lack of enthusiasm for our passion and our intimacy. It became so obvious that I chose not to love Gil the way I love God with my whole heart, soul and being. Father DENNIS Here I am stuck in traffic, and this person washes my clean window with dirty water and has no squeegee for drying the window. I feel pressured, asking myself if I have to give him a dollar or what? My pressured feeling is like landing in an airplane and not having my ears pop to free up the pressure building in my ears. When I open my side window to give him a dollar, I almost gasp from the strong smell of alcohol and body odor. As I drive away I have a feeling of finally being free. When I bring this incident to prayer, my prayer seems often to be, “lord, free me from such experiences. Spare me lord.” At times I will pray that god enables those people to find a job, that god may help them get out of any of their addictions. I often ask god to instill in others the strength and courage to help the less fortunate of the world. Looking back at my behaviors and prayers, I notice how my focus is on god and others helping the poor, not me. After all, I am showing my care and concern for the poor in my prayers to god! I skillfully keep myself out of personal and direct involvement. Now, hearing the quote from the first letter of john, I realize that I too often play the false game of --- yes, I love those people, but please god, let someone else do the dirty work of helping them. This scripture reading, “for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen, cannot love god whom he has not seen,” hits me in my gut. I tell myself that I am very close to god. I speak often and loudly of how we must put away any of our prejudices and be loving and caring for all people no matter their race or their social status. --- Yet, I distance myself from the street people of the city. This scripture has me questioning whether or not my actions are a delusion, a hypocrisy? I believe that I am close to god, I know that I love god; yet, my actions are telling me that I do not love certain people. This scripture questions how this behavior can match my beliefs and prayers. After all, the street person is right in front of me and I turn away from him. If I am not seeing the face of god in that actual person, then how can I see the face of god at all? Today, as I must do every day, I ask myself just how honest is my statement that I love god. If I do not make decisions and take actions of care and love for my spouse, the people whom I serve, then, indeed, how honest and sincere is my love of god? This scripture challenge shakes up my glib statements of my love of god. To be honest and true, my love of god must be, can only be seen and experienced in how I love the person right in front of me, my spouse. GIL But, what most of us really don’t like to think about is the opposite of making a decision to love…and that is, we also make decisions not to love. Sometimes, I’m caught up in a moment of anger so it’s not a conscious decision. However, I do believe that there are times when I make conscious decisions not to love Rose because it’s easier, or because of my superior attitudes. Whatever the reasons, I decide not to love. A very simple example are the times I’ve told Rose, by my behaviors, that watching a game on TV is more important to me than she is at that moment. I could try and excuse or lessen the gravity of my behaviors because I don’t do it as often as I did before our weekend. But, it isn’t any less hurtful to Rose when I disregard her desire or need to cuddle or just talk. At that moment, I make a conscious decision NOT to love Rose. I am also reminded of the times I consciously choose not to share myself. I actually ‘zone out’ everything around me, including Rose. As I examine the reasons why I “zone out”…I somehow justify it in thinking I deserve “my time”. It’s a selfish attitude I know, but the reality is…I DO take the easy way out! Instead of risking to be vulnerable, I choose NOT to love Rose and NOT be intimate. Rose tries her best to snap me out of it during these times, but I consciously shut down and refuse to listen with my heart. Sadly, it takes away my awe and wonder of my beloved and creates emptiness. It also darkens our passion for each other, which digs our disillusionment hole even deeper. I m not proud to share that at times I’ve made a decision not to love Rose during our lovemaking. By that, I mean that I consciously allow my selfish attitude to get the best of me. I allow our beautiful and Holy lovemaking to become only a physical act, and all I care about is having my climax…Aside from the guilt I feel, my distant and disconnected feelings stand out as I allow this precious part of our sacrament to become less than what God intended our lovemaking to be. It’s similar to how distant and disconnected I feel the times it dawns on me that I’ve been so caught up in getting my list of things done that I completely fail to be attentive to my lover. Or how I feel when we’re hurt and I’m laying inches from her in bed, but miles apart spiritually and emotionally. I truly love Rose and I want to do the right thing in loving her as God does…but as you’ve heard, I often fail and make decisions not to love her because I don’t want to be vulnerable or risk too much of myself. The topper to all of this is the realization that making a decision not to love Rose, is in effect, making a decision NOT to love God. It’s that final knife in the heart when we are so distant and disconnected that I don’t know where to even begin to heal our fractured sacrament. Father DENNIS However, after a short while I noticed that when I would suggest a certain movie or event that we could attend together, he would always find something wrong with it and would say “no.” In fact, I received that same negative response when I would share with him an idea or thought that I had. Sometimes he would call me stupid for having such an idea. I judged that he often belittled me. I felt devastated, destroyed by his responses. My destroyed feeling felt like a knife stuck into my stomach. It smelled like sewer gas backing up in the basement floor drain. The destroyed feeling tasted like eating some blackberries and biting into a stinkbug. I totally stepped back from taking a risk in our relationship. I acted as if it were easier for me to avoid him, rather than to risk to open honestly to my feelings and judgments concerning our relationship. I was afraid of being hurt again if I showed any vulnerability with him. I buried and stuffed my feelings in my gut. The knot in my stomach felt similar to the pain I felt when I was
a teenager and a close friend turned away from me. I got into a
style of pretending that I was strong. I simply avoided facing the
issue. My pretending that things were ok did not change the hurt.
I was once again reliving that false world of “pretend that
all will be fine” in my relationship with Mark. My inability
to risk for our relationship only succeeded in building a false
world --- the false world of “I can stand alone.” I
feared being vulnerable. That attempt to play the nice guy was not good in any respect. My silent and avoidance behavior, in fact, spoke loudly and clearly of my actual decision to not love him. I then was not only out of relationship with Mark; I was also out of relationship with God. My prayer life, my homily preparations, my relationships with couples were all affected negatively by my decision not to love Mark, and therefore, not to love God. That time in my life was a very lonely time for me. GIL This situation did create many moments of disillusionment and pain. We seriously questioned ourselves as parents and also questioned our differences in how we discipline our children. Amazingly, God kept our relationship strong! No doubt - it was a difficult a time…but in reflection, it was our faith in God, prayer and the foundation of our daily dialogue that kept us aware and sensitive to each other’s needs. God strengthened our sacrament and family by generously showing us His Graces through our children’s love and affirmation. God also gave us the graces to share this journey with other parents who were struggling with their children…So YES, I do believe I’ve seen God’s hand in our relationship - not only in this example, but also in so many other times in our lives! ROSE As I began to know Gil better, his strength, spontaneity, and acceptance captured my heart. I usually felt insecure with other guys, but with Gil, I felt respected and loved. I know I could be myself and I opened my heart to love and to be loved. His affirmation strengthened my lack of confidence. My faith and compassion brought out more of his faith in God and others. God helped us to see how good we were for each other and how our differences blended to make us more whole. Together, we were stronger than we could ever be and we began to share our hopes and dreams for our lives together. VIDEO (2 minutes) (Power point photos of couple/priest) Fr. DENNIS I have heard many vocation stories of couples and priests over the years. Every story has a bit of the “no human person could have caused this to happen or caused this to continue!” I, as do all of us present here, hear of the powerful presence of God. I think that god has a purpose for us! God’s power of grace is definitely alive with us! God has walked with us on our journey. I remember when a man at a parish where I would help out on weekends came up to me and told me that my homilies were much too weak, too bland. I tried to tell him that Jesus always spoke of love in the gospels. That response did not help him any. Again, I played the role of the strong person, but I felt hurt inside. However, I do remember bringing that incident to my prayer. I found myself asking if I was being too mediocre, too lukewarm, in my preaching. Responding to my hurt feeling, I allowed god’s hand to challenge me to risk saying stronger words and giving greater challenges in my homilies. I recalled how Jesus could challenge others powerfully. Looking back on that event, I can see how God sent that man to me for a purpose. God called me to greater awareness through that man. I believe that god has a purpose for us. Even the events in our
lives that are painful or hurtful, may be god’s way of allowing
us to grow closer to him. When we are open to listen to god and
to respond positively to his call, we can then develop new skills;
we can expand our capabilities. Indeed, we can learn how to better
and more quickly make the decision to love. Many of us say, “Nothing happens by accident.” I believe that is a way for us to say that God’s hand has surely been involved in this or that happening in our lives. Just think of your own stories which brought you to a deeper commitment to your vows. No one of us could have planned the path that we walked for those vows to have happened. Each of us can say “I think god has a purpose for us.” Father DENNIS I was sitting in my chemistry professor’s office at the university of California, Berkeley, talking about my summer chemistry research project. Out of nowhere, I was overcome with a strong and powerful “yes” I’ll try the seminary now. I remember my whole body feeling tingly, like goose bumps all over. My body shuddered on the inside. I felt shaky, like the time I was awakened early one morning by the bed shaking from a not too distant earthquake. That call from god shook me emotionally and spiritually in a powerful way. However, I did not let on to my professor of anything happening to me. We kept on talking about my research project. I had not one thought of looking into a priestly vocation that whole year. It was the farthest thing from my mind at that time. Only god could have caused that to happen. Yes, I had to be open to saying my ‘yes,’ but only god could have given me that powerful call. Yes, in grade school, as a mass server, I often said that I would be a priest. At every change of schools, high school, college, and graduate school, I did have the question in my mind about entering the seminary. But I always said “no.” My relationships with several girl friends filled my life with joy during my college years. So that fateful day during the third week of June, 40 years ago was a lightening bolt out of the blue.” My mother can attest to that. When my mom and dad read the letter that I sent telling them that I was quitting chemistry and entering the seminary that coming august, my mother had to sit down and read the letter twice more! Unbelievable! Never in my most wild imagination could I have ever planned those fateful days. God’s hand was powerful in the events of those several weeks. Most, if not all, of my classmates in the seminary during those seven years would often worry and wonder and pray if they should go on, or if they should quit the seminary. I never, not even for a split second, ever had a thought or worry about my “yes” to try the seminary. That call of god carried me through any and every trial or hurdle during those seven years. I am confident, even to this day, that my full-body experience that I received in California was god’s hand and voice on and in me. I praise god today for the wonders and marvels of his love and power alive and working in me, and yes, working in all of us. “We have to believe!” GIL First of all, we were two unlikely characters that hung out with totally different groups and didn’t seem to have much in common. Yes, we were high school sweethearts, but talking about how opposites attract – WOW…we were the poster children for that phrase. I never really saw myself as a rebel or running with a “bad” crowd. But, to this day Rose insists that I had this “reputation”. I was quite involved with sports and was in a local band, and I went out almost every night. Rose, on the other hand, was totally into school stuff. She was the Student Body Vice President, and involved in all the right school clubs. She was not allowed to go out very much. I think Rose became a Cheerleader, in part, so she could go out. I never dreamed the two of us would ever come together! In retrospect the first sign where I really saw God’s hand in our lives came as He brought us together after a homecoming Basketball game. It was more than just catching each other’s eyes, or that we danced most of the night that I saw God working…No, God chose to work in how I talked to the guys afterwards when I offered to take Rose home. I took all the guys aside and told them that Rose was “different” and that they needed to be “cool” and keep the language clean…I had never done that with any other girl. So…it was almost from the beginning that God instilled this awe and respect for my beloved. Then God, with His great sense of humor, worked it out so I got to meet Rose’s mom. I was not a happy camper because it was obvious that her mom did NOT like me. I remember getting so pissed off the times Rose & I would be talking on the phone and her mom would just hang up the phone on us. No warning – she’d just hang up! It must have been God’s hand working in our lives, because now, I’m her favorite! As I said, I was used to going out almost every night and I was getting frustrated hearing Rose tell me she couldn’t go out AGAIN! But, God worked it out so instead of spending time out at a dance where there would be a lot of people, our dates became sitting on the porch, walking Rose home from school, or going with Rose to the library to study. In other words, God created some quality time for just the two of us! It wasn’t real obvious to me at the time, but God was working in our lives as I began to even go to church with Rose. I can just imagine God sitting on a mountainside, looking down and smiling at us, knowing the transformation that was taking place. In was all part of God’s plan! God knew we didn’t have lots of chances for us to see one another. And He knew that I wasn’t much of a churchgoer. But there I was – going to mass every Sunday so that I could be with Rose. Believe me when I tell you that it was this awesome and loving God that was working in our lives. I often tell Rose now that she is my “hero” whenever I reflect on my faith. Our courtship was like a roller coaster and it took a dip when I returned from the Army in 1966…I had stopped writing shortly before that, and we had grown apart. It was a very difficult and lonely time in my life…Several months later, God sent His graces and touched Rose’s heart as she asked me to accompany her to a formal dance. And, just like when we first met, we danced all night and this became the first night of many, many nights that we were inseparable. By now, Rose was in college and eventually told her mom that she was going to keep seeing me, so God’s plan was not to be stopped and Rose’s mom began to accept me and the fact that we loved each other. I remember the night I asked Rose to marry me. She began to cry and told me there was something she needed to tell me. Rose went on to share that she had been abused by her Father and wondered if I would still loved her and did I still want to marry her… I was deeply touched by Rose’s vulnerability and trust. I believe this was one of the most intimate moments in our life as I shared my deep love for Rose. It was easy for me to see how GOD was right there in the middle of it all as we committed ourselves to one another for life… ROSE shares (Possible playing of “Through
the years” by Kenny Rogers.) In our first eleven years, we knew we loved each other, went to church, and prayed before meals as a family. We had 3 children and our baby was very ill from birth. Gil worked nights and over-time. We didn’t have much time for each other, but God kept guiding us to see the blessings of our love. I thought we communicated okay, yet I often wondered why Gil was so quiet. God helped us to hang in there. When our son Anthony was so critical and almost died, we were both so scared. Gil’s silent strength and my faith kept us going. I also remember how scared I was when we didn’t speak for 3 days. I desperately prayed for God’s Graces. His hand helped us to reach out and open our hearts to heal. Then God brought us to our weekend through Gil’s parents. You can’t say God doesn’t have a sense of humor because Gil’s dad asked him if he wanted to improve our sex life. Gil said, “of course!” God wanted us to see how great our love can be! Our vulnerability, trust and acceptance filled us with an overwhelming awe for our love and Sacrament. Our love overflowed and God’s love was so very real to me. God’s Graces filled my heart with the awareness that our sexual relationship IS Holy. This began the grace of healing my past. This heavy layer of fog was lifted and ignited an exciting adventure to be passionate lovers…So, did God have a hand in this?… YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! God’s hand was present and strengthened our togetherness when He called us to this ministry. He literally pulled out that ‘yes’ from us! Some of our barriers were Anthony’s severe heart problem, Gil’s work situation, and speaking in front of people was just out of the question. The power of our love guided us to listen to Him and grab on tight as we took the leap. We were dangling from that vine as God miraculously healed our son, Gil got the day shift and we began to see the graces we each had. Of course, this was only the beginning of our new journey to truly live out our Sacrament. Our ups and downs are numerous. God’s hand kept us hanging in there. We were able to experience joy in our relationship even in the midst of tragedies and bad times in our family. Like being able to share our love with our oldest son when he returned home safely and asked for forgiveness. He turned his life around and went back to church…or like how God guided us to community and priests in our lives who challenged us when we wanted to pull away. This gave us hope in our dialogue journey and eagerness in our baby steps to couple prayer. Saying the rosary together and as a family was a dream come true for me and yet sometimes hurtful when Gil wasn’t up to saying it. I had to be accepting of our differences and find that balance. It’s exciting for me to say that Gil and our four children now have a special love for our Blessed Mother and the Rosary. I also remember the unbelievable upheaval at Gil’s work after an officer was killed. The overwhelming pressure and repercussions for two years could have easily pulled us apart. God helped us to embrace our Graces through prayer and dialogue which was our source of strength. It actually kept us sane, playful and passionate! More graces came when we began to dialogue on the possibility of early retirement. Could we make it? God made it all possible. 24 years ago we began to pray for passion! God gives us daily opportunities to be passionate …like when we had a two hour wait at the Olive Garden Restaurant and instead of getting frustrated, we danced to the music outside and became frisky. Then there’s that time when we were coming out of the market and Gil picked me up and carried me to the car. We ended up being playful on the way home and fell down laughing as we rushed upstairs to our bedroom. Oh, yes, passion can be a risky business but soooooooo much fun! THANK YOU GOD for guiding us to recognize and embrace your Graces in our 35 years of marriage, and helping us to be PASSIONATE, PLAYFUL, CRAZY, and VERY HORNY YOUNG LOVERS! Father DENNIS The lightening bolt of relationships hit me profoundly on that fateful weekend 26 years ago. Now I work at sharing relationships in my homilies. However, that move from my head to my heart has not always been smooth. I need help, lots of help, to keep my focus on others, and even on god. I often took, still often do, take god for granted. My life with god in prayer has always been a struggle for me. Charlie and Maria knocked my socks off when I served as ecclesial priest with them in the Springfield, ill, diocese. On our car trips together, they brought along their breviaries! --- I did not bring mine, at first!! We would say the divine office, the official daily prayer of the church, together as we traveled. What a powerful example they were to me of their wonderful prayer life. I see god’s hand at work for me through my relationship with Charlie and Maria. When I come back home from my work, like preaching a retreat, I like to veg out in front of the TV set and eat chocolate. On the drive home from work I remember a commitment that I had made to get in touch with someone as soon as I get home. But I put that commitment aside to escape from everything as I sit in front of the TV set. As I do that, at times I think that I had better make this important phone call --- but I do not get out of my lazy boy chair. Then Lee and Patty call me! They then get me moving on the project that I had committed to do with them. They, in a powerful way, are god’s hand pulling me out of my laziness, my escape behaviors and into relationship. I too easily revert back to my alone activities. I too often judge that I need this time away from others so that I can reward myself with my pleasures. Looking back at those times, I notice that I remain lonely and aloof. My alone activities do not really help me. They seem to just dig a deeper pit into which I try to bury my loneliness. I need my spouse, couples like you, to bring me back into relationship. You are god’s hand in my life. When my dad died several years ago, I found myself playing the false role of the “strong person.” I was desperately trying to hold my composure. I was not allowing myself to grieve in a healthy way. Pete and Diane took me aside one evening and asked me to share my feelings about not having dad around anymore when I would soon be going home for Easter? I cried and cried in their arms. They did not try to remove my sadness, they let me spend time in their arms and experience my loss, my emptiness, as deeply as I could. Pete and Diane were god’s hands for me at that difficult time. They and many other couples and priests in my life are a dynamic and alive presence of god’s hand, holding me, drawing me out of my selfishness, out of my false pretense of strength, and back into loving, tender, and committed relationship. I cannot be the priest I desire to be without god touching me with his love and grace through couples and priests. You are my spouse! VIDEO – 2 minutes (Move to stools – reach stools when vows are read) ROSE: The intensity and commitment of how you live out your vows has a powerful impact on us and how we bring Jesus alive in the world today. It impacts our children, other priests and literally millions around the world. I know that the level of our faith and love for our church has been greatly impacted by many wonderful, committed priests in our lives; like Fr. Andy, Fr. Bob, Fr. Miguel, Fr. Tom and of course, Fr. Steve – to mention only a few. I believe this is why our two youngest sons are so devoted in several ministries of our church. It’s so vital, now more than ever, to call you to greatness in living out your vows more passionately than ever before! We know you have so much going on in your lives that pull you in every possible direction and can often bottle you up in the prison of “just being a good priest”. We want and need you to live each day with the awesome awareness of how great Jesus is in you! We want and need you to know how much we love you and need you to be filled with the enthusiasm and passion of revealing God to us even when it gets tough and you have to listen to those repetitive complaints or the media. We know how painful and very difficult it’s been for you and for our church lately. Not for a moment has our faith or love for God and you been diminished! Why…because of you – every single one of you! Your dedication and willingness to be real and vulnerable call us out of our complacency and empowers all of us to stand together and make a difference in this crazy world! You are all beautiful, passionate lovers…we challenge you and beg you to believe in how great Jesus is in you and live out your vows to the fullest! (PAUSE) Father DENNIS The mystery of the most holy trinity is a mystery of a love relationship. Theologians find it difficult to speak about that mystery. Yet, when you couples love one another so fully in the sacrament of matrimony that you bring forth children, you expound brilliantly and in a very real sense what the mystery of the trinity is all about. I am both so very impressed and made so very tender when I hear you couples say to one another on your wedding day, “I promise to be true to you for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health!” I find myself asking how can two people commit themselves so deeply, and without condition, for the rest of your lives? I experience a “god-moment” at those times. Your words bring a new power of god’s grace both to you and to me. Through your words, spoken in such a great moment of faith, you bring new spiritual energy to my vows and my priestly life. When your married lives bring times of troubles, times of sickness, times of difficulties, I see you grow stronger in your love and your care for one another. When you rely on god’s graces in your sacrament, you overcome all obstacles. I know that I am the most joyful when I am with you couples when you share your joy with one another. Your playfulness with each other lets me know of god’s call for our love and joy to be complete. When I see you look into each others’ eyes and smile, I can experience in a real way god smiling on me. When I see a husband and wife working on their ability to forgive one another, I experience directly how Jesus forgives me. Physics teachers tell us that it would take a very, very long lever to move the earth. But, when you couples forgive and heal one another, you move the earth powerfully! Do you believe in your powers? --- Do you believe in your powers?!!---- Your involvement in my priestly life is essential for me to be a good priest. When you work through a difficult time in your relationship you are in fact walking with me, helping me to get through my own troubles. Every aspect of your life as vowed couples, your prayer life, your emotional life, your playful life, your family life, and your sexual life are all necessary for me as priest to be the best priest that I can be. I call upon you to live your vows faithfully and fully! GIL Now…we would like you to compose some personal promises that you will make to each other. These promises should be written down (in the paper provided in your program) and in a format similar to your original wedding or ordination vows. A brief example of some vows I can make to Rose may read… Our vows need to answer the question, “In light of what we have experienced over the years, where we are right now, and where the future may take us, what promises do I make to you today and how do I see God helping me to live this promise out? You can begin now. EXERCISE (5 minutes) ROSE: Let the Spirit of God fire you up with the passion to love one another as He loves us. Father DENNIS God does have a purpose for us, that is to be people in intimate relationship with god, and therefore in relationship with others. Those relationships are not always smooth and nice. There are many bumps and misdirections in our human and fragile lives. If we look at god’s relationships to his people we also notice many misdirections there as well. God was angry and greatly frustrated when the Hebrew people were worshipping the golden calf. Jesus was greatly taken aback and very frustrated when immediately after he celebrated the first Eucharist with them, they began to argue among themselves as to who was the greatest among them. But, those and many other misdirections did not deter Jesus from his goal, his mission --- to bring us redemption and salvation by his death on the cross and his resurrection, to love us always. In like fashion, god has a purpose for each and every one of us --- to love him and to experience his love for us in the ways we love one another. I really want you to hear and embrace this truth. God has a purpose for each and every one of us --- to love him and to experience his love for us in the ways we love one another. Our sacramental vows are the foundation and core of that love. When I live my sacramental vows to the fullest, I am elevated to new heights of love and joy. My tears are my flowing waters of fresh life. Just as plants cannot have life without water, I cannot have fullness of life and love without couples and priests like you touching me with your love, your forgiveness, your healing. God does have a marvelous plan and purpose for each one of us. When we spend time together, as we are today, that plan and purpose is so very alive and close to us. However, when we are back in our work-a-day and busy world, that same plan and purpose is also there. We must notice that love and call of god within us at every moment. We must be quick to respond to that true call of god so that our times of hurt, separation, or pain can diminish; and our times of love and joy increase! Let each one of us take our promises and commitments home with us and see and experience new levels of joy in our lives. When we are living our spousal relationships according to god’s desire and purpose, then we, in fact, are a people able to change the world. We are on mission! GIL It begins RIGHT HERE in how I love Rose. She needs to experience the love of Jesus in her life - through me – every single day. Our four children and six grand children need to feel the joy and peace of God’s embrace and love in theirs hearts today and always. The rest of our family, our extended Marriage Encounter family, and our church family – they all need us to be the best living sign of God’s love as a challenge and example for them. They need all of us to listen to their struggles, hurts and joys; they need us to love and accept them; they need our forgiveness; they need us to be present to them as a way and means of them experiencing Christ in their own lives. This vision “to be Jesus alive in the world today” is similar to what I heard a priest say it meant to be Catholic. Father said, “being Catholic means you take on the service of Jesus”… GIL If we are to be His hands and feet, and make Jesus come alive in today’s world, we must obviously strive to love one another as He loves us. Jesus was compassionate; He was forgiving; His love was unconditional and He was determined to love us despite how we treat Him… Are we bold enough to love one another despite how we’re treated? We CAN be…and we are called to be. God calls me to love Rose unconditionally, without any hesitation in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Living out this vision to be Jesus alive in the world today isn’t easy. But God is so awesome and I believe He wants us to keep it simple. God doesn’t want our life to be complicated. One example of simplicity is going beyond my comfort zone of what others might think of me - by being playful by planting my lips on Rose throughout the day. I keep saying Rose is greedy because she constantly wants my lips ALL THE TIME. We’re at the mall and Rose wants my lips. We’re at the market and Rose asks for my lips…We’re working around the house, and there she is trying to get my lips! This all results in us being playful and intimate. We have lots of fun with this and I’m sure we have embarrassed many people… But hey, having had this experience and being able to share it, has put a smile on your faces, and more importantly… it’s put a smile on the faces of those we touch daily, and has revealed the spirit of God’s love to them…And, isn’t that what being Jesus alive in the world today is all about? ©J©J©J - END – REJOICE!!! We have a dialogue question for you. Click here for a printable page (PDF, 216KB)
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