eMatrimony.org

Supporting, Encouraging, and Challenging the WWME Community

  News - Convention

We Are Called To Serve God

Ron & Judy Pekny and Fr. Mark Willenbring

We Are Called To Serve God

Click for a larger picture (JPG, 68KB)
Fr. Mark Willenbring and Judy & Ron Pekny

JUDY
Wow, Ron & Fr. Mark, hasn’t today been inspiring? We have talked so many times about that Grace Odyssey we began in Atlanta. Hearing Fr. Emile make that connection today at Mass reminded me of all those graces we have claimed and witnessed to simply because we were actually aware of them. Being asked to open our hearts to the graces of this convention was like running into an old friend at a crowded airport.

Not that this whole challenge about “God’s call to be Jesus in the world” wasn’t pretty overwhelming to me. It was like the first time my driving instructor told me to head down that entrance ramp to the freeway, saying I knew all the concepts – now it was time to put them into practice! It’s the same with that call to Know God, Love God and Serve God. I’ve been able to recite that since first grade, but today was the first time I recall being challenged to do that on an adult level.

It was a relief to hear that we don’t always have to be in the same place in learning to know God. What I discovered about my own prayer life was that I have to quiet down enough to listen to God whispering in my heart. After all, that’s how I truly came to know YOU, Ron, in our dialogues on our weekend and the thousands since then.

It’s that personal relationship I’m building with God through prayer that allows me to trust Him, just as I trust you. It makes such a difference when we can lay our burdens on the cross – and there’s someone helping to carry the load. It’s like the way we supported each other when our youngest daughter was so rebellious. Or how our Circle reached out to us when your company was teetering on bankruptcy. And we certainly drew on prayer time after time as we were writing this talk – putting yellow post-it notes under every single cross in our house, asking for wisdom and passion and the grace to go where God was leading.

And didn’t you have that sense of “déjà vu” as you heard them describing scripture as love letters from God? Remember how the scriptures we’ve heard all our life suddenly took on a whole new flavor after our weekend? Writing that loveletter to God this morning was such a beautiful way to reinforce the vulnerability we need to truly “Know God”.

FR. MARK
As I reflected on the earlier presentations today, like you Judy, I went back to my childhood when I memorized the catechism question about why God made us. I have had enough classes in Theology and Sacred Scripture to know a lot about God and how God has intervened in the history of the world. I don’t have any doubts about the existence of God and the fact that God loves us. But putting theory into practice hasn’t always been easy. When I observe the many genuine sacrifices that husbands and wives make for each other and for their children, beginning with my own parents, I am put to shame. People often thank me for making the sacrifice of becoming a priest. I thank them but in my heart I know that I have done very little in comparison with the lives of many, many persons right around me. By cooperating with the graces God has offered me I have found joy rather than sacrifice in the life style I choose. I have truly been blessed by God.

RON
Well, for me, it was that second talk, with that call to Love God that really made me squirm. We’ve worked hard to practice “to love is a decision” in our daily lives, and we’ve seen how we can respond to our call to love God by loving each other. And as I listened, I patted myself on the back because of how well I saw myself measuring up in that respect. So it was like being slammed up the side of my head with a two-by-four when they flipped to the other side of the coin. It was a pretty rude awakening to realize that I can’t really love God if I’m not making the decision to love you, Judy.

I immediately thought of how irritated I was with you when you commented on some of the things that I wrote in the first draft of this talk before we sent it off to be workshopped. I took that as a personal attack and clammed up, rather than listening and striving for the best presentation. My behavior showed that I was making a decision not to love you and not to love God by closing myself off in my own little world. Memories like that are especially painful when we’ve been out of sorts with each other as we walked into Church – I seemed to be so alone, and now I understand why! I was turning my back on God, just as I was turning my back to you.

But what was very touching to me was when we went through that exercise about composing the promises to each other. We never did that on our wedding day, but it wasn’t very hard for me at all to know what I was going to put down - the same promise that I have been making to you Judy, every day since that weekend in 2001 when I heard that Sacrament talk in a different way. Now, each morning I proclaim my love for you and tell you that I will marry you again that day. So that is my continuing promise to you, to say “yes” to marrying you again each and every day of our lives. Today marks 14,294 days of our sacrament - and yes, I will marry you today. You know, I really believe that the power of God’s grace in our lives is what gave me that recognition of our Sacrament, calling me to be more than what I am by myself, but to be that Sacrament of Matrimony that allows us to show the world that Jesus is alive in us.

FR. MARK
A READING FROM JOHN 21:15-17 – READ IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH
“When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him “Feed my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

FR. MARK
When Peter heard Jesus tell him to “feed his sheep,” he could identify with the command. He lived in a predominantly grazing country where sheep played an important role in the lives of the people. Even though Peter was a fisherman he knew that sheep had to be led to food by a pastor or shepherd. In like manner he would have to go out to the people of his day and offer them spiritual food – the bread of the Eucharist and the Word of Life. This is what Jesus had done as he traveled extensively throughout Palestine for three years seeking people out in synagogues, and hillsides and private homes.

When I hear this command of Jesus I know that I too must seek out God’s people for nourishment. I can’t sit in my home and wait for people to come to me. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. I know that I have too often relied on others to bring the “sheep” to me. When I was a young priest the majority of our Catholic people went to Mass every Sunday. I didn’t have to go after them. Nevertheless, I still spent much of my time visiting the homes of the parishioners. Our seminary rector used to remind of the apostolate of the priest’s presence. This gave me the opportunity to know the people, to learn about their needs, their hurts and also their joys. I could then talk to them about Gospel values and how they applied to their lives. I continued this practice of visiting homes during the ten years that I worked as a missionary in Venezuela.

But as I grew older I became more of a “rectory priest” and no longer reached out to people as I had done previously. That’s why I have guilt feelings now. And this also applies to my work in Marriage Encounter. When I present a weekend I expect couples and priests to be there without taking much responsibility for recruiting them myself. The command of Jesus challenges me to offer the best food I can to the people who do respond to my presence. I have to revise my M.E. talks, I have to work on my homilies. I think of the example of the great preachers of our day, Pope John Paul II, Bishop Fulton Sheen, Billy Graham. People were fed by them because they did their homework and God blessed their efforts.

JUDY
Thank you for saying that about Peter, Fr. Mark. That really helps me – to think that Peter could relate to what Jesus was asking him to do. Because as many times as I’ve heard that scripture, I don’t think I ever factored Ron and I into that equation. But if it’s our responsibility to Know God in a deeper, more vulnerable way – and to Love God by making those daily decisions to put our relationship first, then it stands to reason that He is also calling us to use our sacrament to Serve God as well.

When I think about Jesus calling US to feed His sheep, I truly feel needed, but it’s sprinkled in with large doses of bewilderment. It’s needed like I felt when our kids were young and they were depending on us, no matter how uncertain we felt. We couldn’t turn away! My needed feeling has a zigzag look to it, like a puzzle piece – and it would taste like pistachio nuts on an ice-cream sundae. The sound would be deep and resonant, like surround sound TV – a sound that makes you sit up and take notice. I can’t imagine why God would want to call us to such responsibility, when we’re often the weakest link in the chain, surrounded by so many more gifted, eloquent, spiritual, passionate people. I guess we just HAVE TO BELIEVE!

Being called to feed His sheep is a reminder to me that marriage is not private, nor is it a safe haven where we can pull inward to take care of ourselves. We are a Sacrament and that calls us to turn outward to care for others, to actually live a life of service. The flock I see us shepherding first and foremost is our family. Seeing how our daughters have grown up to value relationships, and how they are passing that gift of faith on to their children, gives me hope that we have fed them well. But our flock has also included kids in our CCD classes, or young marrieds, or our community and the people we spend time with, sharing about how important our marriage is to us. Our extended family, neighbors, co-workers, people in our parish – well, I guess they are ALL the sheep that Jesus spoke about.

And for me, because we’ve been involved in this Marriage Encounter ministry for so long, I think there’s an urgency to seek out married couples, who deserve the gift of the weekend so they can learn how to know and love each other better – and to our priests, who just deserve to be loved – period. It’s the whole entire Body of Christ!

RON
You know, I think I must have some of Peter’s blood in me because, I too, would probably have felt distressed and frustrated if Jesus had kept asking “Do you love me”. I can certainly think of times before our weekend when I got pretty darned irritated when Judy wouldn’t seem to take my love for her at face value. But as I look back, I think the message that Judy was trying to get across to me was “Don’t just tell me – SHOW me. Make your love visible!” Jesus seems to be asking us to do more than express our love for Him in words – He wants action!

Today I feel challenged when I think of those words directed towards me, or even us as a couple. How can I provide for the needs of others when I’m so often hurting or imperfect or in need of help myself? I’m not sure I know how to do what Jesus is asking us to do. This challenged feeling is pretty strong, about an 8 on a scale of 1-10 – and it would be like standing at the foot of the stairs with a heavy load on my shoulders.

Right now, the stairs look pretty high, and there’s the question of whether I can make it this time. I think it would look like a dark gray sky, with storm clouds churning and gathering, and maybe even seeing the flashes of lightning within the clouds – but not knowing if and when the storm will actually strike.

Every day we turn on the radio or TV and hear terrible stories of the abandoned, the abused, the lonely, and the discouraged. We hear friends or neighbors talk about their disillusionment with their marriage. We see so many children growing up in single parent homes. And we watch the agony our wonderful priests are going through when the term “Father” often has more embarrassment associated with it than respect. There are so many sheep to feed and I feel so ill-equipped to respond to that on my own.

But then it slowly dawns of me that I am not being asked to do something extraordinary all by myself. God has called us to “love one another as I have loved you”. And THAT is the most perfect food with which to feed His sheep – nurturing and believing in the power of our loving relationships – that’s what makes Jesus alive in the world today.

JUDY
Well, then, basically what we are being called to do is the same thing that Jesus asked of His apostles. He is sending us out to Change the World! Our call is to be His Living Apostles, right here in 2003! WOW! Remember how we always used to refer to that as O&A -- “Open and Apostolic”. But when I try to picture ourselves in that scenario, there’s this huge neon light flashing on and off in my mind, boldly asking, “Are you kidding?” To compare our call to that of people who were closest to Jesus as He walked this earth seems almost ludicrous.

Just out of curiosity, though, I decided to look up the word “Apostle” in the dictionary. It means, “one sent on a mission”. Well, if you look at our lives since our weekend, I guess that’s certainly true. On Sunday afternoon of the weekend, we were invited to join a mission to change the world - and as we look around this room today, there certainly seem to be an awful lot of people besides us who have said “yes” to that mission.

The dictionary also described an apostle as “one of a New Testament group sent out to preach the gospel”. Well, it’s true that we are still living in New Testament times - and there is a desperate need in this world for the kind of good news that Jesus brought. But I don’t know about PREACHING the gospel – I’m not even very good at quoting it! So for me, it’s not just about proclaiming, but about LIVING the gospel message to “love one another as I have loved you”. We ARE Living Apostles! And just as the early apostles worked hard to build the Church, our Mission in Worldwide Marriage Encounter is to Renew the Church through our sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders.

When we see the transformation that occurs in couples and priests on a weekend, we are on fire - for them and for our Church. We don’t want them to have a “nice” weekend and then go home and have a “nice” life. We want them to take their shiny new relationships out into the world and find ways to share their love as a couple with others! Being Jesus alive in the world, both in our relationships and for the whole Church, is really what it means to be a SACRAMENT. We may come home from our weekend, wanting to share our love with our family and people closest to us – but there is a whole world out there that needs to experience us being vulnerable and forgiving and loving and playful and committed to building relationships – not just with each other, but with them - people who need to know that they are not alone – a whole world that needs to see Jesus alive in us.

RON
I hear the need loud and clear – but I still can’t imagine how Ron & Judy can really make a difference in the world like those apostles did. We’re just ordinary people. We can never seem to keep up with all the responsibilities on our plate, so we tend to pack as many things as possible into a 24 hour day. We often have very good intentions to volunteer more at our Church or to bring a meal over to someone who’s sick or has just had a baby, but busyness and procrastination often get in the way.

I struggle with my stubbornness and wanting to cling to my hurt instead of granting forgiveness. While I don’t often bring work home and spend time by myself trying to catch up, I do find myself believing that I deserve rest and relaxation because of all of the stress in my life.

We aren’t trained to be great speakers or scripture scholars or healers. We don’t always listen well and we are often very opinionated. We don’t pray as a couple with as much depth as our sacrament demands – and there are just too many nights when we are too tired and worn out to share our love with others.

Plain and simply put, it’s hard for me to look at us and see anything but very ordinary, overworked, and well intentioned people. With that mindset, it’s easy for me to say to myself, “Can we REALLY change the world?”

JUDY
Yes we can, Ron, but we have to believe!!! How else do you think the Apostles were able to carry out their mission without that unshakable belief in Jesus? And His unshakable belief in them! He wasn’t out recruiting scholars and preachers to come and follow Him, but fisherman and tax collectors. In fact, it is hard to imagine a more unlikely group to change the world. Surely there were few people more bull-headed and opinionated than Peter – but, oh, what passion! (In fact, I see a lot of that in you.)

How many times have we reflected on Jesus walking along the Sea of Galilee and calling out to Simon Peter and his brother, Andrew, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men”. And I always wonder what they saw in His eyes that allowed them to turn their backs on the only life they had ever known and just follow him. Ordinary as they were, they saw Jesus and they believed! I think that one of the graces claimed by the early Apostles was the grace of presence – being formed at the very feet of Jesus, witnessing first-hand the power of His love and His impact on people everywhere, literally being formed into “a life of service”.

One of my favorite books of the Bible has always been the Acts of the Apostles. There is something about the resilience of the apostles when Jesus was no longer with them – and how they were transformed by the Holy Spirit – and how they took on their mission to change the world so literally – and nothing could deter them because they BELIEVED! The Book of Acts also makes clear how the apostles continued to call new workers into the vineyard to spread the good news – from the selection of Matthias to replace Judas - all the way to Saul being knocked off his horse – from Jerusalem to Rome - the community of believers was of one heart and one mind. These simple, uneducated, ordinary apostles, inspired by the Holy Spirit, were all focused on the same mission – to feed His sheep and to build His Church. They saw Jesus- and they believed.

FR. MARK
But Judy, in John’s gospel, we hear Jesus say to Thomas, “Blessed are they who have not seen and believe”. That’s all of us! We have not seen and yet we believe that with the power of the Holy Spirit present and alive in our Sacraments, we can do even greater things that Jesus when He was alive in the world. Frankly, that almost sounds a little sacreligious to me – and yet in John’s gospel we hear “Amen, amen, I say to you – whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and well do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father”.

There are times when I get down on myself, too, and wonder if I have made any difference in the lives of others. But over 27 years I have presented more than 100 weekends in both English and Spanish. When I come to conventions like this people usually come up to me and ask, “Father, do you remember me?” Usually I don’t but when they tell me I presented their original weekend and that they went on to become active in their parishes or in our movement, a feeling of satisfaction comes over me.

I think of Jack and Marn, who made their weekend many years ago and later became area execs and faithful members of their parish. They now live in California and I visit them periodically. We reminisce how Jack just about walked out of the room on Friday night because I, a priest, was part of the team. Up to then he didn’t have too much use for priests in his life. Couples like that and many, many others prove to me that we are renewing our Church and making a dent in our world.

I especially think of the hundreds and hundreds of couples who came to me on Saturday night of a Marriage Encounter and became reconciled again with God and the Church. Without Marriage Encounter many of these people would still be out there in the fog. This experience proves to me again that “we have to believe.”

RON
Well, you are right, Fr. Mark. The world has definitely changed since we made our Weekend. We’ve been part of four separate communities that have loved us and encouraged us and taught us the value of dialogue and relationships and community and Church. I think of all the years we have lived in areas where Worldwide weekends were not allowed and we seemed to have the proverbial black cloud hanging over our heads. But still we kept the dream alive in Miami with our monthly community nights that sometimes had only us and another couple. We kept reminding ourselves that the weekend would only die if we let it. And yet it wasn’t until after we moved away to Texas that the first Worldwide weekend was held there and we were asked to come back and help to present it. And now we’re praying for that same miracle where we live in Fort Worth.

But it’s when I try to imagine what our relationship and our family would be like without the weekend that the real impact hits me. Instead of being trapped in our moods or pity parties whenever things didn’t go our way, our weekend taught us how to communicate. Instead of defining Church by all the social activities we were involved in separately, we found a family. Instead of living as married singles, and we learned not only what it meant to be a couple, but to be a sacrament. Our girls could never have valued relationships like they do without seeing it lived out in our home. Pursuing my career would have been so much more important than pursuing your love, Judy.

Fr. Mark, there is a young lady at work, who has heard me proclaim many times how much I love being married, and she just beams when she asks me how many days it’s been and I have an answer. She has said that the world would be a much better place if there were more men like me. That’s very humbling to me - but the bottom line is that Judy and I would never have been able to share the kind of love and passion that we do without our weekend. We could never have believed that the Lord was actually calling US.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to see things that are right in front of me, but it’s clear that OUR world has changed since our weekend – and as I look around this room, I see a lot of people who could say the same thing. Our world has changed because we have continued what we started on our weekend. So it IS true – we CAN change the world. We just have to believe!

JUDY
Why would any of us even think of turning away from such a powerful call as serving the Lord? I guess it’s because being a witness to Christ is not always easy. Even the most passionate of followers can sometimes be derailed. Just ask Peter! No, we probably won’t be asked to be martyrs, but we all face many opportunities for “dying to self”, maybe some even persecuted for being a Christian. You know, people who have the courage of their convictions really do stand out in a crowd because they LIVE what they PREACH. When we are different, we are noticed – and the response is not always favorable.

Remember how excited we were when we went to pick up our kids after our weekend, Ron? Then our dearest friends, Joe and Suzanne, looked at us strangely and asked us what we had been “taking” all weekend. We couldn’t stop talking about Marriage Encounter, and invited them many times to make a weekend themselves. But they viewed our involvement with this crazy Encounter group with a lot of suspicion and eventually our friendship faded. Even our family, who are so supportive of the crazy things we do in Marriage Encounter - well, sometimes they just don’t quite get it either. And I’m sure they often just shake their heads and think, “There they go again!”

And remember when we first arrived in Miami, and were told that not only could we not present Worldwide weekends there, but we couldn’t even recruit - at least not in any public way? For years we looked over our shoulders as we talked to couples about Marriage Encounter – and it was very, very difficult to see how we fit into our Church.

RON
Well, you’re right, Judy. I sometimes get a little hung up by what people will think, too – and so it seems a lot easier to not rock the boat. I can still remember that first weekend we were asked to present in Florida The weekend was going to be on the west coast, about three hours away. I was pretty new to the company, and I agonized about exactly how much I should tell my boss when I asked him for time off. After all, he wasn’t even married! When I finally convinced myself to just be honest about our involvement, he really blew me away with his support – but it could have turned out just the opposite.

I know there have been a few times with my present company in Texas where I have turned down job opportunities that others believed were just made for me. People thought I was crazy when I wouldn’t even apply. But how could I do that when the position would have eaten up all the quality time I want to spend with you, Judy, and this ministry that we love?

FR. MARK
As a priest people expect me to be involved in priest activities, like celebrating Masses, going to church meetings and activities. But going off to a motel or retreat house for a whole weekend prompted some parishioners and fellow priests to kid me about these periodic escapes. During the past two years of national leadership I really got the remarks from my priest friends. “It must be nice,” they would say, “to fly off to warmer cities while we have to stay home and work.” It’s true I have flown around quite a bit and have seen a lot of airports and hotels. But anyone in M.E. leadership knows that we don’t spend much time in the beds of those hotels and certainly no time in the pool. But that’s the price we have to pay for involvement. Even St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 6: 1-3) about all the hardships he endured in his ministry with the grace of God - the afflictions, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, vigils, fasts. Who am I to complain when I read what St. Paul endured for love of Christ?

JUDY
I feel utterly amazed at how much trust Jesus has placed in weak and ordinary human beings like us to build His Church. It’s like I’ve felt when couples have asked us to be god-parents. What a responsibility – but also what a gift! Fortunately, Jesus didn’t leave us on our own. He sent us His Holy Spirit – not just with tongues of fire to the apostles gathered in the upper room, but He gifted each of us with very specific charisms to assure that His Church would be built and thrive.

Mark, you’re probably very familiar with this idea of charisms – but not Ron and I. In fact, whenever I heard the word charism, I always associated it with Marriage Encounter. It was the sense of awe we often heard in people’s voices when they spoke about the unique charism of Worldwide Marriage Encounter: the sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders journeying together in intimate relationships to renew the Church and change the world.

But I discovered that the Catechism of the Catholic Church talks about charisms too, and calls them “special graces by which the Holy Spirit makes the faithful fit and ready to undertake various tasks and offices for the renewal and building up of the Church. Whether extraordinary or simple and humble, charisms are graces … to be accepted with gratitude by the person who receives them and by all members of the Church…”.

I learned that charisms are not natural talents we were born with, though sometimes they build on that. They are supernaturally empowered gifts. In fact, that’s what charism means in Greek – a gift or favor. But it’s not just a gift to be hoarded away in our own little homes for our own individual conversion. Charisms are graces to be used externally, for the building up of the whole Church. The Holy Spirit has scattered a few charisms here and there among the members of the Body of Christ - not all of them in each of us – to make us fit and ready to complete His work. .

FR. MARK
This idea isn’t exclusive to Marriage Encounter, you know. Scripture is filled with references to these gifts. In Romans 12, we read that “we, though many, are one Body in Christ…We have gifts that differ according to the favor bestowed on each of us”. In the first letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul tells us that “There are different gifts, but the same spirit…To each person, the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good… It is one and the same spirit who produces all these gifts, distributing them to each as he wills…You, then, are the Body of Christ”.

So what we’re telling all of you here today is that, not only do we have to believe that we CAN make a difference in the world like the apostles did – but scripture clearly shows us that WE ARE CALLED to do it. These charisms do not exist for our OWN glory. Instead, they are directed towards service to others and building up the Kingdom of God.

Probably all of us here at the convention are very familiar with Worldwide Marriage Encounter’s Mission that calls us to Change the World. However, there is another important aspect of our Mission that we sometimes overlook. We are also being called to Renew Our Church. As Bob and Huli Tabone were always reminding us, Worldwide Marriage Encounter is not just another marriage enrichment program. It’s a ministry – and as such, we are not free to walk away whenever the going gets tough. We are being called by God to a wonderful and important Mission - to Renew the Church by revitalizing the sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders, and thus Change the World. THAT is what our weekend is all about – THAT is why the weekend is not the culmination of our efforts, but only the beginning.

RON
Well, as you’ve both said, one of the biggest advantages that we have is that we’re not in this alone. What I’ve heard over the last couple minutes is a confirmation that we have the Holy Spirit on our side, and if that’s the case, we’ve got a lot going for us in becoming fit and ready.

I believe that God gave each of us certain charisms so that we could make a difference in the lives of the people that we come in contact with every day. Mark, when you mentioned Bob & Huli, I couldn’t help thinking back to the last time we spoke with them. Judy and I were on a speaker phone in Illinois with several other couples as we talked about the Mission of Worldwide Marriage Encounter. We could feel their passion for our Church coming through the phone lines loud and clear, all the way from Texas. Well, I believe we were being touched by their charisms of Teaching and Prophecy as we began to see Marriage Encounter’s Mission in a whole new way. And that points out exactly what I’m trying to explain here. You know, you could FEEL their passion in that room precisely because the Holy Spirit was working through them for the building up of His Church. We felt motivated and excited because they were agents of God.

So it all comes back to not only what we believe, but how we live that out in our daily lives. In one of our recent parish bulletins, our pastor quoted a non-Catholic who said: “If Catholics really believed that Jesus was present in the bread and wine, they would be crawling to the altar rather than wearing tank tops and chewing gum”.

If we really believe that Worldwide Marriage Encounter is an experience that can change lives, marriages, our Church, and our world, then why aren’t we out there every single day, sharing about the value of our relationship and the significant impact the weekend has had on our marriage and our family. If we really, truly believe that God is calling us to be His living Apostles, to spread the good news, then why aren’t we continually looking for ways to love one another as He has loved us – to teach, to comfort, to inspire, to heal – to feed His sheep? Why aren’t we looking for ways to serve our God - our God who loved us so much that He stretched out His hands and died for us?

JUDY
Well, see, that brings us back to the idea of charisms again. I think most of us are more than willing to respond to the Lord’s call – but maybe we just don’t know how to do that. Or maybe we ARE using the gifts God gave us, but wouldn’t necessarily recognize them as something called a charism.

So let’s talk a minute about Charisms:
- First of all, they are graces received from the Holy Spirit, not achieved. God is the one who determines which charisms are best-suited to our role in the Body of Christ.
- A charism is long term. It’s not like a feeling that is here one minute and gone the next. God consistently uses us over time in a specific manner. That means our charism can be developed and fine-tuned so that we can bear more fruit.
- A charism is also something that is focused outward – toward other people, the rest of the Church, and the whole world. There’s that concept of “open and apostolic” again!

You know, Mark, leading up to this convention, Ron and I spent a lot of time trying to discern what charisms we might have as a couple. One we agreed on pretty quickly is the charism of encouragement. We both believe that affirming another person is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. We have a tremendous sense of satisfaction when our words or actions can lift someone up and allow them to see that they are loved and valued and that somebody cares. We also know that many times people seek us out for that gift of encouragement. We think that does build on some of our natural tendencies. I am usually positive and upbeat and can see the best in most situations - and Ron is a wonderful mentor and has a way of bringing out the best in people. Our charism of encouragement does what it is supposed to – give people hope and help them believe in themselves.

Remember, though, that charisms are not necessarily talents that we are born with. In fact, many times a charism can take us WAY out of our comfort zone, for it enables us, as Christians, to be agents of God’s love in a way that is beyond our own natural abilities.

Ron and I were pretty sure there was another charism that was pretty strong in us, but we really had a hard time putting a name to it. We knew it generally fell under the category of communication, and with the help of some very wise friends, we decided to name our charism “evangelization” – communicating truth to change lives. Believe me, we hesitated with that title. Who us? Evangelists? While speaking in front of others comes fairly naturally to Ron, I almost always prefer to remain in the shadows rather than stepping out front and center to share about our personal life. As a Helper, I value peace and harmony and I would rather run from any kind of confrontation. But this charism of evangelization often prompts us to bear witness to ideas or situations that may really rock the boat.

We realized, however, that there is no time when we feel more on fire, more filled with the spirit, and more in tune with God’s call than when we are sharing about our relationship – whether that is through pulpit talks, speaking at a MOMS group, or presenting a weekend – or any venue in which couples and priests can be awakened to the power of their sacraments. We feel energized and excited, even when we’ve had no sleep for days or have been running from one end of the country to another. Our love blossoms at these times - and as we are affirmed for this charism, we seem to have truly found our place.

RON
It is really hard for me to speak about having this charism of Evangelization. I may have a gift for speaking in front of others, but that doesn’t even remotely put me in the same league as an evangelist! But as Judy and I were affirmed again recently for this gift, I began to see some truth in how we share our Sacrament with others.

It brought back memories of the first weekend we presented. When it came time for the Risk talk, the priest couldn’t find his introductory remarks about the glow he saw in the couples who had just experienced a taste of God’s Plan. When he turned to me and told me to “go ahead and start”, I took a deep breath and then said to myself, “I can do this”. I ended up speaking for about three minutes about the glow in the couples, comparing what I saw to a glorious morning as the sun highlighted the brilliant colors of the Grand Canyon. Later on, everyone asked, “Are you sure this is your first weekend?”

And I think of our passion as Judy and I share about daily dialogue. In fact, as I’ve tried to make a point about the value of dialogue, I’ve even been known to pound on the table a time or two! I believe that those are moments inspired by the Holy Spirit, when He wants us to speak from our hearts so that those couples and priests may open their own hearts.

FR. MARK
Talk about charisms! Ron and Judy, you have the charism of teaching with passion. Like most of you, I don’t look at myself as anyone but just very ordinary. Yet, I have been able to do ordinary tasks in an extraordinary manner. I believe I have the charism of making Jesus look very human because of my ability to relate with people – the high and the mighty as well as the slum dwellers in the barrios of Venezuela. Another charism people say I have is the ease with which I affirm others. I remember seeing a plaque on the wall of a successful businessman who practiced the saying on the plaque. It read, “There are great people in the world but greater are those who make others feel great themselves.”

In Marriage Encounter we have witnessed the accomplishments of many leaders who likewise didn’t think much of their abilities until others affirmed them of their special charisms. Just think of the tremendous organizational skills of our area execs. They are the real heroes of our movement. And what about the charism of those who can bring reconciliation and healing to broken couples and communities? There are many charisms given by the Holy Spirit to people in our movement and Church for their daily operation, charisms such as writing skills. The outlines for this convention, for example, didn’t just fall from heaven. Someone had to sit down and prepare them. The same is true of the liturgical celebrations. The beautiful part of this is the fact that people with these charisms have stepped forward and employed them.

RON
Right now, we would like to invite each Sacrament out there to spend a few minutes discerning the charisms that Holy Spirit has given to YOU (and trust us, each of you has been gifted with a charism). So please take a look at the Types of Charisms that are listed in your Convention Program. Do you recognize any of them? Are there a few that intrigue you? For our couples, we would like for you to identify charisms that are very much part of your Sacramental relationship. It is very possible that there are other charisms that you have individually, but for right now, focus on this exercise in terms of your relationship.

Remember, charisms are NOT talents. They are gifts from the Holy Spirit that God uses in us consistently over time. They may have been there for a long time, or they could be gifts that have been revealed or strengthened since your involvement with Marriage Encounter.

For instance, one of our other charisms is Hospitality. Now that outgoing, welcoming style is very much a part of Judy, so it builds on some of her natural talents. I am often more of a private person, though, so I used to get a little uptight about having someone we didn’t know very well come and stay at our home. For me, this is a charism that definitely opened up after we made our weekend. Now I think it’s safe to say that this charism has gotten stronger over the years as we sometimes welcome perfect strangers to our house and have the opportunity to build relationships.

Regardless of whether these charisms are old or new – whether they be charisms of Healing or Prayer or Writing, they are gifts that are focused outward towards others, and they are not the same as a personal, spiritual experience.

JUDY
As you review the Types of Charisms, think about your own life experiences. Is there a charism that immediately jumps right off the page because you know, without a doubt, that it’s a gift that has shaped your life? When we are acting on our charisms, we usually feel energized, not drained. We find that our efforts are fruitful and effective, without undue strain and struggle. We may have finally found a place where we “fit”. We may experience joyful satisfaction.

Also evaluate how effective you are. Plain and simply, if you have the charism of healing, people get well. If you have the charism of teaching, people learn. If you have the charism of leadership, our movement and our church make giant strides forward. Using your spiritual gifts achieves exactly the results God wants! And other people have probably confirmed that charism in you - either directly, by thanking you for your efforts – or indirectly, like when you are the ones people constantly seem to go to when they need prayers or encouragement or someone willing to serve the needs of others. Your charisms have done what God intended them to do – show His presence to the world through your loving relationships. When we use our charisms, we’ve created a win-win situation for everyone – for us couples and priests as we become alive and energized - and for the whole church as it becomes stronger.

On the other hand, we may notice that there are times when we really struggle in certain areas, like organization or understanding – and no matter how hard we try, our efforts don’t seem to bear much fruit. Well, that may be a clue to us that we are probably NOT acting out of a charism and perhaps we need to redirect our efforts to where we are really being called by the Spirit. That’s how the actual discernment takes place – allowing God to work in us and through us to reach the goal that HE desires.

RON
Because they are Spirit-driven, none of these charisms is better or worse than another – kind of like our personality styles. Each is important and necessary for a healthy, growing Church. As you’ll recall from the Marriage as Sacrament talk on Sunday of the weekend, we are all members of the Body of Christ - We are Church. Think of a tall skyscraper, made up of thousands and thousands of bricks. Each of those bricks is important to the skyscraper as a whole. Without every brick in place, the skyscraper is not as strong or attractive as with all of them there.

Well, so, too, it is with our charisms. They are all important to the whole Church, but if we look at all of us put together, no one charism is given to the majority of us. In any group, our own special charisms will always be in the minority. That can be a comforting thought as we live the radical lifestyle we are called to. Every Christian has been given an important piece in His plan – and that’s why all of are needed to use our own unique charisms to keep this Body we call Church alive and growing in the world today.

FR. MARK
So now we’re going to give you about five minutes to discuss with each other the charisms you see on that list – or others that may come to your mind. Couples, if you are fortunate to have a priest sitting beside you, please include him in your discussion. We’d like you to explore the possibilities. Recall what your experiences have been over the years. See where you have been effective and affirmed – or likewise, where you have been spinning your wheels. Then take time to discern your own unique charisms – probably not more than 1 or 2 right now – and recognize how the Holy Spirit is empowering YOU to make Jesus alive in the world.

FIVE MINUTES FOR SHARING

RON
A READING FROM JOHN 14: 12-21
I solemnly assure you, the man who has faith in me will do the works that I do, and greater far than these. Why? Because I go to the Father, and whatever you ask in my name I will do, so as to glorify the Father in the Son. Anything you ask me in my name, I will do.

If you love me and obey the commands I give you, I will ask the Father and he will give you another Paraclete – to be with you always: the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot accept, since it neither sees him nor recognizes him; but you can recognize him because he remains in you and will be within you.

I will not leave you orphaned: I will come back to you.
A little while now and the world will see me no more; but you see me as one who has life, and you will have life.
On that day you will know that I am in my Father and you in me, and I in you. He who obeys the commandments he has from me is the man who loves me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father.
I too will love him and reveal myself to him.

FR. MARK
A READING FROM MARK 9: 1-6
He summoned the Twelve and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases; and he sent them to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal (the sick). He said to them, ‘Take nothing for the journey, neither walking stick, nor sack, nor food, nor money, and let no one take a second tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there and leave from there. And as for those who do not welcome you, when you leave that town, shake the dust from your feet in testimony against them.” Then they set out and went from village to village proclaiming the good news and curing diseases everywhere.

FR. MARK
When Jesus began his public ministry the first thing he did was select his apostles. The men he chose to be his first bishops were certainly not the best qualified for the job. Most of them had little formal education. They were not the religious leaders of their day. Matthew was a tax collector, an outcast in the sight of others. Probably the best trained of all was Judas Iscariot but he turned sour. These men, however, were hard workers who had a strong faith in God.

We now wish to call to the stage 12 of our powerful sacraments, who will represent all of us as we commission you to go forth as modern day apostles. Our world is much larger than that of the original apostles but our means of communication today are immensely more sophisticated. Through the sacraments of baptism and confirmation we are just as empowered for our apostolate as were the apostles. All we need to do is respond to God’s call, rely on the special gifts God offers us, and then go into action. WE HAVE TO BELIEVE!

FR. MARK
I will now bless these crosses of nails, and as we place one around your neck, we ask for your commitment to this apostolate.

RON
You may wonder why each sacrament is being given a cross of nails. It is to remind you of His love for us – and that no sacrifice was too great. “God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him may not die but may have eternal life”. It is to remind us that, when Jesus died for us, He Chose the Nails.

As Max Lucado writes in his book of the same name:
“Did you ever wonder why Jesus never struggled when He was nailed to the Cross? After all, wasn’t this the same hand that parted the Red Sea? Or made the lame to walk? He never struggled and never flinched because He loved us. When that soldier swung that mallet to drive that nail, if he would have hesitated one bit, Jesus himself would have driven that nail, because He loved us and in this way, He wiped out our faults, and our mistakes, and yes, our sins”.

What a legacy of love! This cross of nails is a reminder that we are being called to continue the mission of Jesus. We are being called to “Feed His sheep” just the same way Peter was called. How we respond to that call is up to each of us. But that’s why we spent time discerning our own unique charisms this afternoon – so that we could recognize how the Holy Spirit has empowered each of us in a special way and how our Church needs our unique gifts to show the world that Jesus is alive in our loving relationships. We ALL have an important role to play in building the Kingdom of God.

We Have to Believe that we are modern day apostles, that each of us is being called by God to go forth and renew the church and change the world. And so we are giving each of you a cross of nails so that you, too, can remember to “Love one another, as I have loved you”.

JUDY
Now we are going to invite everyone here today to make the same commitment that we have asked of these twelve sacraments. We are going to invite each of you to commit to this apostolate as well – and then we will send you forth as modern day apostles to serve God, to live out your sacramental call to greatness, to be Jesus alive in the world, thus renewing His Church and changing the world.

Our sacraments here on the stage will, in turn, commission additional disciples to help them, just as Jesus did. Then the apostles and disciples will take their baskets and go into the audience. They will commission the sacrament at the end of each row by placing a cross of nails around their neck and asking if they will say yes to this apostolate. That sacrament, in turn, will commission the sacrament next to them. We will continue the commissioning until each sacrament here has had the opportunity to once again say yes to being His living apostles.

We ask that you maintain a prayerful silence as this commissioning takes place. Perhaps listen for that whisper of Jesus in your heart, and reflect how God is calling YOU to share your unique charisms with the world. Make no mistake about it. He IS calling each of you! In this cross of nails, you will be receiving a sign of Christ’s love, as a reminder that your sacrament is also a sign of Christ’s love in the world each and every day.

FR. MARK
A READING FROM JOHN 21:15-17 – READ IN SPANISH AND THEN IN ENGLISH
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He then said to him a second time, “ Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him “Feed my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

JUDY
We are called by God and our Church to feed His sheep. We have been blessed with the gift of our Marriage Encounter weekend to help us know how to do that. Our weekend does not call us to just go home and hug our kids and focus exclusively on our relationship - nor does it send us forth into the world alone, weighted down by all our human weaknesses. It is God who sends us forth, armed with the power of our sacrament and the charisms He has chosen especially for us. He is not just asking us to perform a few good deeds along the way, but is challenging us to offer our charisms as gifts to a lonely world that is crying out for relationship.

We know how overwhelming that call may seem, but please remember – God is not calling us to do great, huge, monumental things. He is only calling us to do small things with great love. That is how He calls us to greatness in our sacraments – and in responding to that call, we ARE feeding His sheep and renewing our Church.

We are being called to Know God, to Love God, and to Serve God - to stand up and be counted, just like the apostles, no matter what the cost. God’s grace is not to be wasted, but to be multiplied. As we give of ourselves, we are making eternal investments in the lives of others. “Give and it will be given to you…for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”.

RON
All of us here today must understand that our treasure is our sacrament and the power of our loving relationships - and we can’t turn away from God’s call and say “let somebody else do it” anymore than the apostles could. Because God’s call was to THEM, not somebody else – just as God’s call is to US. Our Marriage Encounter weekend packaged that call in a whole new way as it opened our eyes to the power of our sacrament and helped us to realize that THE TIME IS NOW and WE are here. We are being called to live a radically different lifestyle. We are called to make a difference in the world – to renew our Church and to change the world around us.

On our own, we wouldn’t have the courage or wisdom or stamina to bring that call to completion. That’s why we HAVE TO BELIEVE that we’re all in this together – you, me, Fr. Mark – and all these crazy lovers that surround us. We know that the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. But look – look around at the workers He is sending out to the fields this weekend – enriched and empowered to feed His sheep. We HAVE to believe that the power of our loving relationships will make Jesus alive in the world. WE HAVE TO BELIEVE!

And so we ask you today – DO YOU BELIEVE????

Click here for a printable page (PDF, 135KB)