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The Priesthood: A Call to Relationship

Fr. Jim Galvin

(Excerpted from the Fall 1996 Matrimony magazine.)

Typical of education experiences when I was 20, I thought I had all the answers. Now in my 70’s I am still refining the questions! My 14 years in Marriage Encounter are no exception.

About 10 years ago I was about to begin a Weekend in Visalia, CA. when one of the husbands challenged me. "I can see why there are couples giving this weekend, but what are YOU doing here? What can YOU tell me about marriage?"

I responded with my own question: “Do you prefer the long answer or the short one?”

"The short one."

"Then listen up this evening and into tomorrow afternoon. If you don't have a satisfactory answer by then, come back and ask me again."

Sometime before noon on Saturday he stopped me to tell me he was satisfied. He then understood why there was a priest on the presenting team.

The famous convert to Catholicism who was writing about the time I was weaned, Gilbert Keith Chesterton, remarked "If you stare at the familiar long enough, it will become mysterious." Now, having become familiar with the concepts and the flow of the Weekend, and having stared intently, I must now confess I am not so certain as I was back there at Visalia 10 years ago. I am now more into the question: Why DO we? Indeed, with an eye to the “non-negotiables,” “why MUST we have a priest on the Weekend?

I’ve received several different answers from other priests and from couples, many of whom have been leaders at various levels and for several years. Most of these responses seem to coalesce around two poles: 1) because the Weekend needs his Sacrament; and 2) the couples need to experience his humanity (or his vulnerability).

The priest exercises his sacrament or priestly office by celebrating Mass on Saturday morning and on Sunday afternoon, by absolving those who come to him in Confession, and when he is teaching.

He presents himself as a vulnerable human in the sharing of his personal experience of disillusionment. The Weekend outline calls for the priest to develop these sharings under the analogy of his "spousal" relationship to his parishioners. He draws the parallel between his celibate love and the couples' conjugal love in his journey through stages of romance, disillusionment and joy, not unlike what couples themselves go through.

This being the case, and priests being in short supply, why not invite any celibate sister or brother or celibate deacon to present the parts of the Weekend heretofore reserved to the priest? After all, their celibate dedication to and relationship with the Church is no less than the priest’s, and surly they also have rich, life-giving experiences to share.

I have searched through the official documents on the priesthood and the writings of several theologians. Most of them treat the priesthood as ministry. Scarcely any writings envision his relationships.

One notable exception to those authors who downplay relationship is Cardinal Rahner, who presents ministry in such a deeply spiritual way that it encompasses and presupposes personal relationship, a very personal relationship with Jesus. Beginning with Mark's version of the calling of the twelve (Mk 3:13-19), Rahner notes that Jesus calls each of them by name, selecting those whom He desired. Jesus does this in the tradition of the prophetic calling, not in the tradition of the calling of temple priesthood. "This means," adds Rahner, "that the servant of Christ is claimed in the deeply personal fashion characteristic of prophetic ministry...drawn into the totally personal context of call and response."

It is precisely the priest's prophetic role, "as one who speaks in the name of the Church," that is the basis for Marriage Encounter's conviction as to "why a priest is critical to the achievement of the goals of the Catholic expression of WWME, and hence, the rationale for a Catholic quota." (See Mentality Statement: Quota, Nov. 1982, p.5) The gift of our vocation is the call to relationship. Deep relationship with Jesus Christ and with the people of God is our ministry.

Developing this "call and response," Rahner draws attention to the apparent contradiction of the twelve apostles being "appointed to be with him and to be sent out to preach." "On the one hand, the twelve are supposed to be His companions, on the other, His messengers, His ambassadors. Each seems to exclude the other." In reference to the priest's being "sent," that is, the notion of mission, Rahner gets to the heart of the priest's relationship and. hence of his identity:

"The commission to become one sent by Jesus demands not only a particular type of activity of a man. This whole matter touches on his very being. If priestly being is precisely being-sent, then being a priest necessarily means being-for-others.

Whoever accepts such a mission seriously ceases in a twofold fashion to belong to himself. He ceases to belong to himself on behalf of the one who has sent him, as well as on behalf of those to whom he is sent as representative. A steadfast fidelity to this being-sent involves a splitting of one's existence along two directions. It means withdrawing from the limelight to make way for the one who is being represented. It means taking one's position as herald and messenger seriously.

And this involves the realization that one's own person is not the core of the message. It excludes the preaching of oneself and presumes loyal stewardship of the word with which one has been entrusted as well as dedication to clearing the way for the one who has spoken this word. In a word, it means being ready to decrease that he might increase. Learning this demands the strenuous effort and training which reshape the entire man, especially when what is also expected is the readiness to be simultaneously at the service of those to whom one is sent."

The last sentence is basically the argument Paul offered for the value of celibacy for priests and religious. It is the gift that most appropriately is given to those who are called to such intimate friendship with the Lord and commissioned to a life of such extensive, life-long relationship with his people. As he ordained the Apostles, He said, "I no longer call you servant, I call you friend."

Matthew records that Jesus presented the notion of celibacy as a gift, but not everyone sees it that way. Many, including some very fine priests perceive it as a privation, a man-made disciplinary ruling and sometimes a tough burden, rather than a condition that frees one for devoting all one's time and energy to carrying out the mission to which we are sent.

I can truly state that I have experienced that "hundred fold”, the Lord promised to those who would forsake "family, possessions, etc. for the sake of the kingdom." The many wonderful couples I have had the good fortune to be involved with over the years have been a significant part of that "hundred fold." Their homes have often been my "Bethany," even as Jesus enjoyed the home of Martha, Mary and Lazarus. Their love, often unconditional and heroic, has inspired me, warmed me, helped me to grasp something of God's unconditional and ever-faithful love. Their love is not something I envy, but rather a constant challenge to emulate.

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