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| Resources - Miscellaneous Look What They're Calling a Radical Lifestyle Bill & Mary Anne Boylan (Excerpted from Winter 1994 Matrimony magazine) I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but one morning we woke up and discovered that our lifestyle was counter-cultural. At least that was the message I was getting from newspaper headlines and topics on TV talk shows. On one of those shows l saw the host get "booed" because he used the term "normal" to describe the heterosexual relationship between a man and a woman in marriage. Since we weren't allowed to be called normal, I figured we must indeed be counter-cultural. Maybe we would have to start dressing differently so our friends wouldn't think we were really mainstream. Then I said to myself, self, this is a lot of nonsense. I don't have to make harsh judgments on others or prove their way is wrong, but I don't have to sit back and agree that it doesn't matter to the world or to my faith how we live our lives. Mary Anne and I are a couple, and a couple is the heart of the family. And the way families are raised will determine the future for our church and our nation. We are a couple who has made a commitment, a joyful commitment to each other. We didn't say we are committed to each other until times get tough or you don’t turn me on anymore or one of us needs “space” to grow. We are in this relationship for the long haul and the love we share is going to make a difference… a difference in us, in our children and in the world around us! Maybe being labeled counter-cultural will be a good thing for the millions of couples who believe that fidelity and commitment go hand in hand with love and joy. These couples share a willingness to get past the "'What's in it for me" criteria too many use to define success. They want to build a better world for their children and their children's children . . . Wow! What a counter-cultural thought! I'm really getting in to this "thing". Being counter-cultural may get us some positive attention; why, we may even get a grant from Washington. We won't be taken for granted as much as we were in the past and our good politicians will curry our favor and our votes. Who knows, maybe a future president may even want to run on a platform that appeals to us radicals. As I was writing these thoughts Mary Anne looked over my shoulder and commented that I was beginning to sound sarcastic. I answered that all good radicals have a touch of harshness in their tone and in their pens. In the near future, Mary Anne and I will be appearing on a nationwide talk show originating in Chicago. The topic is going to be, "What makes for happy and long marriages”. I am scared to death that we will come off as boring and give marriage a bad name. We believe that relationship between a man and a woman holds the greatest potential for joy or, if you don't work at it, the greatest potential for loneliness and pain. No other relationship deals with such intimacy. To hold a TV talk show audience, you have to say something outrageous or controversial. I wonder if it will be enough to simply tell them that in the beginning I thought Mary Anne was the most beautiful, sexiest, and intelligent girl I ever met and now, 30 plus years later, I still feel that way. I don't feel that way because I'm naive or because I see the world through rose-colored glasses. I feel that way because we worked, we fought, we cried, and we prayed together. We took the time to go on a Marriage Encounter weekend where we learned all sorts of radical things like "Love is a Decision", "Fight for your Relationship", "Be intimate and responsible" and "Daily Dialogue". We were partners on a journey, and the joy was in the journey and not in the arrival at some mythical time and place where we both had it all together and had no worries. Do you think that is enough to tell them? It's a counter-cultural message all right, but I may have to liven it up with some four letter words to be sure we get invited back. Well, I'm not sure if we are going to be good at being counter-cultural. One thing for sure, we are going to have to join a group. I know in my heart that we are not alone. Maybe if we get enough of us together, we can get back in the mainstream and I won't have to worry so much about what I have to wear. I, Mary Anne, need to throw my "two cents" in about being "counter-cultural". I seem to get subtle messages that I am definitely not in the mainstream. For example, on the way home from a civic meeting, the other two women in the car were planning how they would be "too tired" if their husbands got romantic that night. I got that “What's the matter with me?" feeling inside. I wasn't feeling that way at all. We were at a party where we stood for hours in an absolutely gorgeous foyer discussing, of all things, Christmas cards. I went home with sore feet and wondering, is this all there is? Are we having fun yet? I remember a particularly painful evening. We were out with people I really like. Bill & I had left my mom at home very, very sick. I was hoping the others would ask how she was. I really needed a friendly ear. There seemed to be such hollowness in the night. We simply had to talk "happy". When I mentioned mother, the conversation shifted back to "happy" as soon as possible. I went home thinking "'What's the matter? Bill & I seem to be from another planet." Lastly, there are the "tee-hee's" I hear when I still call the man l married “my Billy" and talk about him with a gleam in my eye. My idea of a great time is me and my Billy anywhere. He remains the one who brings peace to my world and a grin to my face. He is all the lover I ever want and the best gift I ever received. Yes, his hair is grey now, but I think he is adorable. I realize all this is "uncool" to say, but it sure feels awfully good inside. In a world that shouts "be a success", I believe Bill & Mary Anne have experienced success in our quest to make our love for each other the center of our life. I believe all the "significant others" in our life have benefited from that effort. We've had more love and care to give than either of us would have ever had alone. I'll continue, then, this counter-cultural way of life because for Bill & Mary Anne, swimming against the tide is going in the right direction. Dialogue questions: ENJOY!! Click here for a printable version (PDF, 13KB)
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