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We Looked So Different Years Ago, When Life Was Fresh and New

Fr. Dick Wagner

(Excerpted from Fall 1993 Matrimony magazine)

Upon arriving at my present assignment, the previous pastor handed me the keys to the parish car, then already six years old.

"It's had it", he said dryly. "Eighty-one thousand miles. It needs the Last Rites. Blessings, Brother. You'll need them with that heap."

He was right. It coughed and rattled, choked and bounced. Once again, I had inherited another clunker.

With no money for a new car, not even a used one, I felt more than dejected. But then something started me fantasizing. That old hulk began to seem human. The headlights seemed like eyes, the grill like a mouth fearfully trying to smile at me, its new companion. It was as if we were both wondering if there could be life after 81,000. I hoped there was, for she was all I had. I had to find out.

Amazingly in time, with patience and much attention, I loved that car back to life again. Today, at 243,016 miles we are inseparable. If I had given up back then, I would never have known the best four-wheeled companion I've ever had.

Marriage can be very much the same. We looked so different years ago, when life was fresh and new. In time, something has happened. We judge little remains in the other who once meant everything. In all honesty, temptation has been present to leave, even to start over with someone else. Possibly, we might go it alone.

What has become of the overflowing joy that characterized our union? Is it that along the way possessions replaced relationship as the center of our joy? For too long we've been living as married singles, compensating for unmet needs outside our relationship. Our jobs are now the source of our fulfillment.

We've junked up our home with adult toys to cover our loneliness and emptiness. We keep changing furniture instead of sitting on the old stuff to hear each other. It is sad how we've stopped listening to one another's heart.

We now think in terms of bigger and more expensive to compete with our friends. Social time and escaping to parties is separating us and sports and clubs are a major topic. Even our church now gets leftover time instead of first claim on our love.

Marriage can at times seem just like a car, old, faded and used up, but it can always be revived. Real love never dies. It just needs lots of patience and care to come alive.

When it appears over, the best is about to begin. We must believe strongly in our once beautiful love. When we do, it will always restart and can run on forever.

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