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A Walk In Faith With Our Black Catholic Family

Larry & Mary Sue Eck

(Excerpted from Winter, 1989 Matrimony Magazine)

The closing Mass of the convention was about to begin. The priests were lined up ready to walk down the aisle. It was the moment that we always wait for and yet somehow dread because it means the convention is almost over. It had rained all that weekend at Kent State University but it hadn't dampened the spirits of anyone there. It was the last convention of the 1970's and the hopes of all were alive for the encounter and for our Church in the 1980's. Groups around the hall were shouting across the large expanse to those on the other side. Our two busloads of couples from Iowa stood, and mimicking the others, shouted, "Iowa loves you!” Instantly the crowd roared back, "We love Iowa!” Our hearts almost broke with the joy of that moment.

Many in the hall knew the struggle Iowa had experienced in trying to give Weekends. Many had been praying with us for five years. We remembered when we were one of two couples in the state of Iowa who had made the Worldwide Weekend. Now we were surrounded by our lovers; couples and priests. Today marked an ending for us. It was our last day in leadership. When the bus crossed the Mississippi heading home tomorrow, Dick & Carol Lensing would be the new executive couple of Iowa.

The Call

It was the great joy we were feeling that made the sudden pain seem so intense. It was like being punched in the stomach or slapped in the face when you aren't expecting it. Across the room, in that crowd of 16,000 people, stood eight black couples. 16 out of 16,000! The significance of those numbers was devastating. Then, somewhere deep inside of me, I, Mary Sue, heard the words, "Recruit my black couples." The noise around me seemed to recede as I stood stunned and disbelieving. After what seemed like a long time I felt Larry's arm shaking me, trying to get my attention. When I looked up at him he said, "Mary Sue, God just told me He wants us to recruit His black couples to our Weekend."

On the way home on the bus Mary Sue and I tried logically to figure out what had happened. Why in the world would God give this mission to us? We lived in Iowa. You couldn't just go out looking for black couples in Iowa, like you could in Chicago. There were couples at the convention from Chicago. Why hadn't He spoken to one of them? We had moved to Iowa from Chicago. Why hadn't God planted this idea in our hearts before we left?

Finally we talked about it to Father Len Olivier, who was on the bus with us. Len was a Divine Work priest from their college seminary in Iowa. He was a team priest for the encounter and he was also black. Len said he was excited for his people because of what we told him. That was not what we wanted him to say. Why did God give this to us? Where would we find these people? Why didn't God give this mission to Len? Len smiled and told us to wait and pray and God would lead us. Yes, we certainly expected a better answer from him than this!

When we reached home there was a note telling Larry to call his company manager in Chicago. He learned there was a meeting early the next morning. We had just driven through Chicago on our way home. Now Larry had to get into the car and drive back. Early the next afternoon he called. He was on his way home but couldn't wait to tell me the news. "I'm taking a new job with the company. We're being transferred back to Chicago." "When do you start your new job?", I asked. "Yesterday!" There was a long silence. Then Larry said, "Mary Sue, we'll call Len when I get home. He gives pretty good advice after all."

I started work the next day in Chicago and commuted to Iowa on weekends. We were scheduled for a Weekend as team and Father Len was the team priest. At the final Mass on Sunday, Father Len told the couples about the mission God had called us to. He cried as he tried to express the love he felt for his black family and how much he wanted the joy of the Weekend for them. He asked everyone there to become part of this mission through their prayers, in the months ahead. Then he suggested that the two of us be sent forth from that time and place by everyone there. One by one the couples came to us and with their hands drew a cross of blessing on our foreheads. Finally Father Len gave us his blessing also.

The Mission

We moved into our home in Downers Grove on Wednesday, November 1st, All Saints Day. It had taken three months to sell the house, buy a house and relocate. All went smoothly. On Friday afternoon our phone was installed. On Saturday morning the doorbell rang and we found encountered friends from Davenport on our doorstep. We needed a break from the unpacking and we persuaded Bob & Peggy to spend the night. They called home and left our new number with their children. (They were the first to use the new phone.) That evening during supper the phone rang. (This would be our first incoming call.) But it wasn't for us. It was for our friends. Peggy listened to the caller and then laughed. She laughed on and on and finally just handed the phone back to Larry.

"Who's this?" Larry asked.
"This is Sister Joan Specht. Who am I speaking to?"
"This is Larry Eck, Sister."
"What are you doing at this number, Larry?"
"Sister, this is our number. We just moved in. But how did you get it?"

Sister explained that she had called Bob & Peggy in Davenport to get our number. She assumed we still lived in Iowa and she needed to talk to us. She said she was now an associate in a parish in Chicago and she wanted to contact Worldwide Marriage Encounter to come in and speak to her people. She was looking for a contact name from us. When Bob & Peggy's children had given her our number they hadn't mentioned that it was ours. We all marveled at the amazing chain of circumstances. Finally Larry asked, "What parish are you in?" The shocked expression on his face gave a clue to the answer even before we heard it. "St. Ethelreda's. It's a parish of black Catholics."

The Mass Talks

The following Friday, Sister Joan came to dinner accompanied by Father Bob Carroll, the pastor of St. Ethelreda's. We set up Mass talks and planned our strategy to reach the black Catholics in Chicago. The first thing we learned is that our black brothers and sisters would not come to the suburbs to make the Weekend. We must bring the Weekend to them. Mary Sue voiced her fear of having a Weekend only for couples who are black. "Isn't that racism?" she asked. Father Bob explained that his people were just beginning to have a sense of the beauty and goodness of their culture and their roots. All their experiences needed to be centered in their own community. Sister Joan pointed out that we were having parish Weekends in parts of Iowa. "Just call this a parish Weekend." she said. It all made sense. Lying in bed that night, however, Mary Sue said, "Couldn't God have at least given us time to unpack?"

It seems strange when I look back and remember how scared I was as we drove to the city to give our first Mass talk in the black community. Larry was as calm as always and kept pointing out how things had fallen into place. "God won't let them reject our message just because we're white." It was true that all was going well. We had found a place to have a Weekend in an old college dorm. It was very inexpensive and we could cater food in. Our task force of loving couples would serve meals and round up linens for the beds and towels, etc. Now we just needed couples.

Mary Sue had even been in a panic over what to wear that day. She was afraid to be overdressed and afraid to be underdressed. Finally she decided on a blouse and skirt and I was to wear a leisure suit, popular then. Well, we were underdressed. It was like turning back the clock to the days when everyone wore their Sunday finest to Mass. Most of the women wore hats and gloves, and all the men wore suits; real suits. not leisure suits! Even the smallest toddler boy had on a suit and every little girl had on a dress and patent leather shoes. Sometimes the pants legs on the little boys were five inches above their shoes. Sometimes the dresses on the little girls were too big or too small. But everyone was dressed up in their finest for the Lord.

We have given many Mass talks about Marriage Encounter through the years in many different parish settings. Overall, people have been good to us and have made us feel welcome. But no parish ever compared to the welcome we felt in every black parish we spoke in. When we entered the church that first time, groups of people were standing in the aisles talking. They were scattered all over the church. We wondered if we had come at the end of a wedding or family celebration. Then the nearest group broke and came toward us. They were smiling, like we were old friends. Their hands reached out to welcome us. They surrounded us and swept us forward, introducing us and explaining why we were there. By the time Mass started we had met almost every person in the church. The following weekend we gave talk at Little Flower Parish, the "sister parish" of St. Ethelreda's. All the time Sister Joan was talking to couples and persuading them to come. Finally we had twenty couples who said they would make the Weekend.

However, Sister Joan told us that we might have a high cancellation rate. ''Many factors will interfere," she said. "Life is hard in this area." She was referring to factors like house-sitting as well as baby-sitting, to protect against break-ins. Husband and wives both had two or three jobs in many cases. Taking an entire weekend off was an incredible sacrifice because of the salary lost. She was right.

The Weekend

One week before the Weekend we had dropped to twelve couples. Then we were told we couldn't have a team priest for such a small Weekend; a Weekend that may even get smaller. We also learned that many in the encounter saw us as racists, trying to separate blacks from whites on Weekends. We had failed in our efforts to explain the situation as Father Bob had to us.

It was with heavy hearts that we called Father Len in Iowa to tell him that our dream was going down the tube because we had no priest to give the Weekend. "You have a priest," he said. "You have me." At that time Father Len was the executive priest of Iowa, serving with Dick & Carol Lensing. Together with their people, they decided to send him to this Weekend. They even bought his plane ticket. And so it was that on a snowy Friday evening in the winter months of 1980, a small group of black couples in Chicago heard a priest say, "I am Father Len Olivier. I'm a missionary priest of the Divine Word, and I am your black brother. Welcome, my people, to your Marriage Encounter Weekend!" None of them seemed to find it strange that at that moment their brother simply broke down and cried.

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